


Serenity: Awakening

by Fuzzybuttkins



Series: Dragon Age: Serenity [2]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Antivan Crows, Blood Magic (Dragon Age), Conscription, Darkspawn, Deep Roads (Dragon Age), Drinking Games, Elf/Human Relationship(s), F/M, Forgiveness, Gen, Mage-Templar Dynamics (Dragon Age), Nostalgia, Redemption, Talking Darkspawn, Temptations, The Fade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:20:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 31,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23725963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fuzzybuttkins/pseuds/Fuzzybuttkins
Summary: After the Blight, Serenity goes with Jowan to Amaranthine where she was expecting to find Orlesian Wardens waiting for her. What she finds instead is a talking darkspawn, leaving her to question how much the Wardens truly know about their enemy.
Relationships: Cullen Rutherford/Female Surana, Cullen Rutherford/Female Warden
Series: Dragon Age: Serenity [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1708942
Kudos: 7





	1. Vigil's Keep

**Author's Note:**

> Previously, during Origins:
> 
> Serenity tried to help Jowan escape the Circle, even knowing he might have been a blood mage, because she couldn't bear the thought of seeing her best friend made Tranquil. She gratefully accepted her new purpose in life as a Grey Warden, but encountering darkspawn, witnessing horrific violence and death firsthand, and discovering the horrors hidden in the Deep Roads still give her nightmares. She killed Connor, thinking it the only viable way to deal with the demon that possessed him. Having been raised in the Circle, she thought the templars would make no exceptions for abominations and acted on all she knew. She learned more about the templars through Alistair and those she met outside the Circle. It is in part because of them that she decided to dabble in blood magic, so that she could fuel her spells without the risk of lyrium addiction. When she found Jowan escorting civilians north to escape the blight, she conscripted him into the Wardens to save him from being hunted down by the templars. When Alistair professed his feelings for her, she was confused--she still harbored feelings for Cullen, but she also believed they were unrealistic and impossible to act upon. Her friendship with Alistair was built on trust and reliance on one another through traumatic and trying circumstances. When she suggested he take the throne, however, they ended their budding romance before it could truly begin. Thinking she might die in the final battle against the Archdemon, she wrote a letter to Cullen, hoping it would find him afterwards.

“The darkspawn never talked before, did they?” Jowan asked. “I think it was less creepy when they just growled and grunted.”

There were supposed to have been Wardens from Orlais stationed at Vigil’s Keep, but there was no sign that they had even arrived. The Keep was in disrepair, nearly as worn down as Soldier’s Peak. She found only a few survivors of the attack, one of which was an apostate, and another a dwarf with some knowledge of explosives. 

“The Withered wanted to take me alive,” Serenity said. “My guess is that he captured the others. They might be still live, held prisoner underground.”

She hated to imagine what horrors they would have to endure in the Deep Roads, especially if there were women among them. 

_I should have come sooner,_ she thought ruefully. 

Rather than coming directly to the Keep to establish a foothold, she had chosen to travel north to Soldier’s Peak with Zevran and Jowan. When Mhairi, an Orlesian Warden-recruit, arrived to escort her to their new base of operations, she parted ways with the Antivan Crow. She wished he was there now. 

“It seems an impossible task at the moment, but I want to mount a rescue,” she said. 

Oghren grinned and chuckled with approval. “You’re taking me with you, right, Warden? I’ll splatter those blighters all over the Deep Roads! They won’t be talking long!”

“But that’s just what they want,” Jowan protested. 

“We’ve soldiers approaching,” the seneschal said. “With the Therein heraldry, it looks like. Reinforcements?”

“They’re a little late,” Anders quipped. “Wait, that looks like…”

“Templar armor,” Jowan finished, exchanging a knowing look with the runaway mage. 

“Why would the King be accompanied by templars and not the royal army?”

“Maybe it has to do with the fact he was a templar once himself,” Jowan guessed. “They’re all soldiers.”

“Come along,” Serenity said, ushering Jowan and Anders toward the door with a hand on each of their backs. “You’re not hiding up here. You’ll stand beside me.”

“Wh—me?” Anders asked, confused. But he didn’t argue. He would be out again within a week, supposing they didn’t chain him in the dungeon again.

It was several months since the blight ended and Serenity last saw Alistair, but he seemed to have a glow about him. No doubt the food and regular baths helped. If he still had any feelings for her, he didn’t betray them. She was relieved not to see longing in his eyes. It was hardest the first week apart, but Zevran and Jowan had distracted her from how much she missed him. The time apart made it easier.

“Well, I’d planned on giving you a warm welcome to your new headquarters,” Alistair said. “I didn’t expect it would be quite like this.”

“The darkspawn beat you to it.”

“You know,” Alistair smirked, “I didn’t think when I saw you again, you would look exactly how you did at camp every night. Covered in darkspawn blood.”

Serenity glanced down at her blood-spattered robes and crossed her arms. “Does it make you nostalgic?”

“I don’t miss the smell,” he admitted. “But I do kind of miss the whole darkspawn-killing thing.”

“King Alistair!” Rylock, the Knight-Lieutenant accompanying him, interrupted. “Your majesty, beware! This man is a dangerous criminal!”

“Oh, the dwarf is a bit of an arse, but I wouldn’t go that—”

“She means me,” Anders admitted dejectedly.

“We were bringing this apostate back to the Circle to face justice!”

“Justice? What you people know about justice would fit into a thimble. I’ll just escape again anyhow,” Anders scoffed.

“Never! I will see you hanged for what you’ve done here, murderer!”

“Murderer? But those templars were—”

Serenity had only just met the mage, but she knew he was no murderer. He was a capable enough fighter, but she could tell he had studied in the school of Creation. Though he didn’t mourn the death of his templar captors, she knew he hadn’t taken advantage of the situation to kill them himself. Their wounds were inflicted by the darkspawn, already discolored with necrosis, a side effect of the darkspawn’s tainted weapons.

“Anders is not responsible for the templars’ deaths inside the Keep,” Serenity started.

“Lies!” Ser Rylock argued. “This is not the first time he’s escaped the Circle, nor would it be the last if he were shown leniency. He has gone too far—” 

“If you will not listen to reason, then you leave me no choice,” Serenity said. “I invoke the right of conscription. He has proven himself useful, and without the Orlesian Wardens, I am very shorthanded. If we’re to chase these darkspawn into the Deep Roads, I need him to undergo the Joining.”

“Me?” Anders stuttered, “A grey warden?”

“Eh heh, welcome aboard, kid,” Oghren grinned.

“What? You can’t!” Rylock protested, “You already helped one criminal escape the Circle. That isn’t enough? You would help another one abuse his power?”

“That’s enough,” Alistair said. “The Grey Wardens still have the right of conscription. This mage belongs to the order now.”

“If… if that’s what you think is best, your majesty,” Rylock reluctantly conceded.

Alistair looked around and sighed, “Well, you’ve got your work cut out for you, Serenity. I should probably return to Denerim before Anora notices I’m missing.”

“You don’t want to help clean up all the corpses? Afraid to get your hands dirty?” Serenity teased.

“And have the smell of burnt darkspawn clinging to my nose hairs for a week? I would stay, dear lady, but I really do need to get back,” he answered and leaned in to whisper. “Plus, these templars aren’t looking too kindly on your companions. I could cut the tension with a knife.”

“I understand,” Serenity answered.

“Oh! There is one more thing,” Alistair said and whistled, cuing Mabari-Cullen to run out from behind the line of templars, tail wagging.

Serenity knelt down to greet her mabari, afraid he would knock her over as he licked her face. His weight outnumbered hers threefold. “Good boy!”

“Keep me apprised, Warden Commander,” Alistair said before taking his leave. “Maker watch over you.”

“Wow,” Anders said, staring at the dog. “You really are close friends with the King of Ferelden?”

“I can’t believe you didn’t kneel,” Jowan said, having noticed Anders just stood there like an oaf.

“Oh, was I supposed to…?” Anders chuckled nervously. “Well, he didn’t seem to mind.”

“Shall we begin the Joining?” Seneschal Varel asked.

“It’s time,” Serenity answered. 

She wondered if the ritual and the possible consequences of drinking from the goblet had become common knowledge. She might have guarded the secret, but somehow Oghren already knew what was involved—perhaps from how casually Alistair spoke of it to her at camp.

Three of the four survived the Joining, which were far better odds than when she drank from the goblet herself. Mhairi died, but her name would be honored among the fallen. As often as people questioned Serenity’s decision to have Oghren join their ranks, she was quite happy to have him and quick to defend him. He had, after all, led their troops outside of Denerim and blocked the horde from chasing after them in their pursuit of the Archdemon. He was an uncouth drunkard, but she attributed his alcoholism to his depression, and she did everything she could to remind him that he was an honorable man deserving of respect. Also, he made her laugh. Laughter was something she desperately needed in her life.

That was also why she found herself drawn to Anders. He reminded her sometimes of Alistair and sometimes of Zevran. But behind his jokes, she sensed something else about him, like he was deflecting pain with humor. He certainly could give as well as he got when it came to bickering with Oghren. She wasn’t sure how he felt about becoming a Grey Warden, but he hadn’t protested. She wondered if he felt as free as she did when she joined the order. That was her intention—to save his life as Duncan had saved hers. Being a Grey Warden was the only way to be free of the Chantry’s chains. He seemed a worthy mage by what little she knew about him. She certainly could use the healing spells at her back.

* * *

  
Serenity had barely settled into the Keep and organized her drawers before the guard captain, Garevel, informed her of the intruder kept in the dungeon. She learned he was Rendon Howe’s son, Nathaniel. He was ornery and spiteful, but she also knew he’d been locked in the dungeon for three days. Perhaps after a meal, he would be a little more receptive.

“I thought my father’s murderer would be more impressive,” he said, curling his lip as he looked down his nose at her.

“Well, you haven’t seen me kill a darkspawn yet, have you?” Serenity asked, crossing her arms.

“Are you really going to gloat?” he growled.

“A little bit,” she said. “I think I’ve earned the right.”

“My father served the Hero of River Dane and fought against the Orlesians! Yet our family lost everything!”

“He was once a respectable man. But he followed Loghain into madness and treachery,” Serenity said. “But what does that have to do with you? Why are you here? To ask for your land back?”

“No,” Nathaniel scowled. “I know there is no place for me here anymore. I came here to… I thought I was going to try to kill you. To lay a trap for you.”

“You wouldn’t be the first,” Serenity said. “Or the last.”

“But then I realized I just wanted to reclaim some of my family’s things,” he said, his visage softening. “It’s all I have left.”

“I see,” Serenity said thoughtfully. “What will you do if I release you?”

“I’ll probably come back here,” he answered, “and you might not catch me next time.”

Serenity chuckled, “You aren’t making a very good case for yourself.”

“I could lie if you prefer.”

“No,” she said quickly. “No, I value honesty. I heard it took no less than four wardens to catch you. How is that?”

“I am not without skills. Hunting, scouting, poisons.”

“I don’t see you as the same person as your father,” Serenity said. “I think you can redeem your family name with some effort.”

Nathaniel scoffed, “Right, I’ll just go to Denerim and join the King’s army. I’m sure they’d give a Howe another chance!”

“I meant with me,” Serenity clarified.

“With…” Nathaniel stared at her, trying to process what she was suggesting. “Do you mean make me a Grey Warden?”

“That is exactly what I mean,” she answered. “Four others underwent the Joining just before I came down here.”

“No! Absolutely not! I would rather be hanged!”

“Really? You would rather die than fight for a worthy cause?” Serenity leaned against the iron frame of the cell door. “I don’t usually misjudge people quite so drastically. I must have had you figured wrong.” “That…” he muttered. “Why? Why would you want a Grey Warden who wants you dead?”

“Some of my best friends have wanted me dead,” she answered. “You might come around yet. But I will not conscript you against your will. Why would one forced into servitude be loyal to the order? I offer you a chance to restore honor to your name. If you wish to take some heirlooms from the storeroom and leave, you may do so. But you will not be welcome back. You will have to find your greater purpose elsewhere. And if you should try to sneak in to kill me, you would have to sneak by Cullen.”

Upon hearing his name, Mabari-Cullen bounded down the steps into the basement and barked.

“I can’t decide if this is a vote of confidence or a punishment,” he said, eyeing the dog. If the mabari slept at the foot of her bed or sat nearby as she ate, he wouldn’t be able to slit her throat in her sleep or poison her. Not that he was really considering either of those things anymore.

“That will depend on the outcome of the ritual,” she said. “So, do you accept my invitation?”

“If… if this really will redeem my family name… then, I accept.”

“Come,” Serenity said. “I’ll inform the guard captain and the seneschal of my decision. You should eat something before we go in.”

Food wouldn’t help him live through the Joining, but it would help settle his stomach afterwards. More than that, perhaps it would help ease the scowl on his face and the way he growled at her when he spoke. Sure, he was grieving the loss of his father and fortune, but she knew an empty stomach made her grumpy too.


	2. Anders' Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serenity learns more about Anders and his view of the Circle. After facing Ser Rylock, they return to the inn and loosen up with a few mugs of ale.

In the city of Amaranthine, Serenity wandered the cobbled streets in pursuit of the Grey Warden, Kristoff. She wanted to mark every entrance to the Deep Roads on her map and find out where they converged so they could block the exits after recovering the lost Wardens from inside. Unfortunately, without a plan, which required extensive knowledge of the underground network and proper provisions, she couldn’t pursue them just yet. She required gold. A lot of it.

“What kind of protocol do the Grey Wardens have when it comes to rescuing others underground?” Nathaniel asked. “I imagine you would need as many men as you are trying to rescue. You don’t know what harm’s come to them or whether they’ve been starved, too weak to walk. You’d want enough food for twice as many people over so many days.” 

“That wasn’t covered in training,” Serenity answered. “I don’t know how many were taken, but they’ll only have us to rescue them.” 

“Better hope the darkspawn didn’t break all their legs so they can’t get away,” Nathaniel said. 

It was a morose thought but sounded exactly like something the darkspawn would do. At least the work Serenity found would allow her to fulfill her duties while they filled their pockets. Darkspawn seemed to be at the root of everyone’s problems. There were a few petty tasks she would have to undertake for payment, but at least they weren’t out of the way.

Although she didn’t find Kristoff in his room at the Crown and Lion, she found a map leading them to Black Marsh. They would pass through the Wending Wood on their way there. No sense in doubling back later. She took Kristoff’s room for the night as it had already been paid for and paid for rooms for her companions. They would need their rest before setting off to fight darkspawn the next morning, but until night fell, they would do as much as they could around the city—fighting smugglers, chasing leads, and replenishing their supplies.

“Where is Anders?” Serenity asked, giving Mabari-Cullen a scratch behind his ears. “Find him.”

Mabari-Cullen barked and sniffed the ground before leading her through the city until they found Anders speaking with an elf he called Namaya.

“You get caught, Anders, I’m not helping you again,” Namaya said sharply and gave Serenity a look of warning as she walked up behind him. “Don’t let this one sweet talk you.”

After Namaya was out of earshot, Serenity teased, “Have a thing for elves, do you?”

“I… suppose that requires some explanation,” Anders said. “Namaya is… a friend.”

“Is that all?” she asked, under a different impression.

“I… well,” Anders hesitated. “We might have been involved, in a way, but I did tell her I couldn’t stay in any one place for long, not until the templars couldn’t track me anymore.”

“And now that you’re a Grey Warden, you’re bound by duty?” Serenity asked.

“Oh, no, I didn’t even get to that part,” Anders answered. “Listen. During the Blight, the templars moved their store of phylacteries to Amaranthine for safety. Namaya found where they’ve hidden them.”

“I do hope you’re not going to suggest what I think you are.”

“So long as the templars have that sample of my blood, they can find me. I need to destroy it.”

“Andraste’s bloody sword, I knew it,” Serenity groaned. 

“That makes sense,” Jowan interjected. “The Circle was overrun with demons and maleficarum. And after we went through there, I’m sure they felt they needed a more secure place to store them.”

Fortunately, the artifacts in the basement had remained untouched when the tower was overrun. But considering the magical wards and locks that surrounded the phylacteries, Serenity expected these ones would be locked in a Chantry under heavy guard.

“You needn’t chase after your phylactery,” Serenity said. “You’re a Grey Warden now. They have no jurisdiction over you.”

“What’s to stop the Chantry from deciding mages in the Grey Wardens are apostates too?” Anders argued. “You heard what Wynne said about the libertarians. If they push too hard, the Chantry is going to push back!”

“I am certain the First Warden in Weisshaupt would have something to say about that,” Serenity said. “As would I.”

“I know it’s not something you agree with, Serenity, but I think we should help Anders destroy it,” Jowan said and winced at the look of disapproval she fixed him with. “Even without mine, I feel uneasy when I see templars. But if they still had it? I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night. I would live the rest of my life looking over my shoulder, Grey Warden or no.”

“Thank you,” Anders said, “I want to be sure they can’t ever find me again. Ever.”

“Jowan, have you learned nothing?” Serenity asked, exasperated. She had hoped someone would see sense. They were putting themselves in unnecessary danger. “I will not go through this again.”

“You don’t have to,” Jowan answered. “I’ll help him.”

“If they’re going to do it anyway,” Nathaniel said, “we should make sure they don’t get caught. I can pick the locks. They’re liable to alert the whole city blowing up a door with fireballs.”

“This is a bad idea. We should just leave the phylacteries alone,” Serenity sighed. She did not want to make enemies of the Chantry in Amaranthine.

“Why? Because I’ll become a maleficar? Because mages are so dangerous?” Anders asked indignantly.

“What? Are you joking?” Serenity asked, finding his accusatory tone ludicrous. 

“Why else would you want to leave my phylactery with the templars, if not because you see me as a potential liability?”

“Because I can protect you,” Serenity argued. She didn’t agree with the use of phylacteries, among other practices sanctioned by the Chantry. But it felt foolish to do it again after all the trouble it caused the last time. 

“The Grey Wardens don’t disallow the use of blood magic,” Jowan said. “They accept all mages. Not that I am saying you would become a blood mage. But… I did.”

“You… oh, right,” Anders mumbled. “It was your distraction that gave me such a good lead on the templars. The darkspawn held them off a little longer and… well, Biff told me what happened at the Circle during the blight. Lucky break for me, I guess. They still managed to find me though. _Months_ after I left. It just goes to show the whole Circle can nearly face annulment and they will not give up the chase, not even for little old me.” 

“But you heard what Alistair said,” Serenity insisted. “He told Ser Rylock you’re a Grey Warden now.” 

“Do you want to bet on it? I’ll put every copper I have on the table that that was not the last we’ll see of her,” Anders said. “I know we’re busy killing darkspawn and all, but I need this. The sooner I find it, the better I’ll feel. Please. We’re already here. It won’t take ten minutes.”

“Fine,” Serenity conceded—only because Nathaniel had offered to help. She couldn’t allow all of her companions to be arrested. Then, in addition to recovering the Orlesian Wardens from the Deep Roads, she would have to spring her Ferelden Wardens from Aeonar. “We do this without fighting.”

She understood Anders’ desire for freedom from the Circle. Her own phylactery hadn’t been used against her and might still exist in the collection, but she felt no need to find it because she had never been pursued by the templars. She didn’t know what it was like for Anders in the Circle, only that his experience differed from her own. If this was what he needed to find peace, she would help him start anew.

“We’ll just have a look-see,” Anders said, following the directions Namaya gave him. “We can see when the guards change shifts.”

“Midnight,” Nathaniel said. “If these vials of blood are labeled, I can sneak in undetected later. If you have enough patience to wait. It would be a lot more inconspicuous than the five of us barging in.”

“I volunteer to stay at the inn,” Jowan offered.

Oghren grunted, “Pah! You’re coming too, you little weasel.”

“But he just said—”

“Wait,” Anders interrupted. “There doesn’t appear to be anyone guarding the door. Can we really be that lucky?”

“Sounds like a trap,” Jowan muttered.

“Or maybe whoever is on duty had to take a doody,” Anders said and jogged over to the door to slip inside the building.

“He just couldn’t wait,” Serenity sighed.

“That’s why I asked if he had the patience,” Nathaniel said. “I knew the answer would be no.”

“I’ll bet you 10 silver he just walked into a trap,” Jowan said, hoping any one of them would take him up on his wager. “Anybody?”

Serenity followed Anders inside, where he was rooting around the crates, looking for the store of phylacteries. “Make it quick,” she said, peering through the crack in the door after the others filed in behind them. There was no sense in them loitering outside, giving away their trespass.

“I can’t find them,” Anders groaned. “Do you think they moved them already?”

“Considering the building isn’t under guard, perhaps,” Nathaniel said, watching the doorway to the attached room. “Or it could be in there.”

Anders followed his line of sight and made a bee line for the doorway, disappointed to be met by templars. “Ugh…”

“And here I believed the infamous Anders wouldn’t take the bait,” Ser Rylock said. “You made a poor choice with this one, Commander. Anders will never submit, not to us and not to you.”

“He’s made a fine Grey Warden so far,” Serenity answered. “I question his judgment too sometimes, but I see inside his heart. I do not regret saving him.”

“So far,” Rylock echoed. “It is only a matter of time because he stops serving your order and starts serving himself. I must return him to the Circle before he does more harm.”

“He hasn’t done any harm yet though, has he?” Serenity asked. “The templars I found were killed by the darkspawn.”

“You found them? You did not see their deaths yourself then?” she asked. “You want to believe he wasn’t responsible because of your kinship as a mage. Your compassion blinds you to his crimes!”

“It wasn’t me!” Anders groaned. “Aside from the fact that I’m innocent, you can’t arrest me! I’m a Grey Warden now. King Alistair allowed my conscription!”

“The Chantry’s authority supercedes the crown in this matter,” Ser Rylock said. “You cannot hide within the Warden’s ranks.”

Serenity moved to stand between the templars and Anders to protect him. “Horse shit! You would shame the Chantry by going against the King and the Grey Wardens on a personal vendetta!”

“Shocking,” Ser Rylock said sarcastically, “that you would side with a mage against the Chantry. I do not know how you inspire such loyalty, Anders, but it will avail you naught. You will come with us!”

As the templars drew their swords, Serenity and Anders drew their staves, moving back into the larger room to put space between them. Nathaniel proved most helpful, sneaking through the shadows behind the templars to find the chinks in their armor as Oghren blocked them with brute force. Anders was the one the lieutenant struck with her holy smite, immobilizing him, while Serenity and Jowan struck her down with spell after spell. The remaining templars went down quickly, being so outnumbered. 

“What a waste,” Nathaniel muttered disapprovingly. If Anders had just waited and allowed him to scout the area beforehand, he could have warned them of the ruse, spared them all the drama, and avoided needlessly shedding blood. For the first time since the Joining, he felt like a brute, representing what he hated about the Grey Wardens.

* * *

  
Anders held his chest as he knelt on the ground, trying to gather himself as the burning of the templars’ smite subsided. He forgot how much it hurt when they did that. He was usually smart enough not to put up a fight. But this was different. He had to fight. It was his right to defend himself now. It was disheartening to think it was never his right before.

“I should have known,” he said and struggled to stand until Jowan helped him up by his arm. “Do you think Namaya knew?”

“Would she really be that mad at you?” Serenity asked.

“No, I… I don’t think so. I guess it doesn’t really matter. I’m probably never going to see her again,” he said and looked at Serenity, relieved. “Thank you… for standing by me. You could have turned me over to them to avoid any bloodshed.”

“I have never slain a templar,” Serenity said bitterly. “I don’t like that I was put in that position—”

“It’s not like I go around slaying templars for fun. I’m no murderer,” Anders said defensively. She knew that though, didn’t she? Wasn’t that why she’d conscripted him in the first place? 

“No, you just take enjoyment in their dying at another’s hand,” she retorted frustratedly. 

“What…? Do you see me doing a jig?” he asked. 

_Oh. Right… that._

He realized she referred to their first meeting and his joke about the templars’ deaths being convenient. He hadn’t thought about how callous it might have sounded at the time. Or even now, in hind sight. He was just being honest. If they hadn’t kicked the bucket, he’d be in chains halfway back to Kinloch Hold, most likely. 

It wasn’t as if she knew Biff personally—or did she? She did come from the same Circle, but he didn’t know Biff to be particularly soft around anyone, not even young female apprentices. He didn’t think anyone would really mourn Biff’s loss, but he wasn’t going to say it. The man wasn’t kind nor did he possess a shred of humor. The funniest thing to him was the sound Anders made when he startled him awake with a boot to his head. 

“I… I know you’re not a murderer,” she sighed. “She was in the wrong. But did they really have to die?”

“No,” Nathaniel interjected. “They didn’t. If you all hadn’t run inside to loot the place, I could have warned you.”

“You heard what she said,” Anders said apprehensively. “She would have kept pursuing me. Who knows? They might still continue to hunt me. My phylactery isn’t here anymore if it ever was.”

“We should go,” Nathaniel said, “Now. You two can argue about the templars back at the inn behind closed doors.”

“I told you it was a trap,” Jowan said finally on their way out.

* * *

  
Serenity stared out the window of her room upstairs in the inn, watching people walk to and fro along the cobbled road as she traced her finger over the windowpane, leaving a trail of frost on the glass.

She was still thinking about Ser Rylock and the two templars that followed her orders in the warehouse. Could they not have been reasoned with? The lieutenant had taken the time, after all, to speak with them before drawing her sword.

Serenity refused to let doubt creep into her mind. She did what had to be done. Anders was her responsibility now, not the Chantry’s. The lieutenant had crossed a line and dragged her men down with her.

How much death and destruction had the lieutenant been witness to to have such a jaded perspective on mages? Had she been present at the Circle of Magi when the demons and abominations massacred her brethren? Had it been Cullen hunting down Anders, could Serenity have defended him then? Or would she have turned him over to the templars?

She was grateful then that it wasn’t Cullen. But she still couldn’t be sure they wouldn’t send more templars in pursuit of Anders. She didn’t think they would if they’d received any word of his conscription. She doubted Knight-Commander Greagoir would have ordered Anders’ capture in spite of the King’s orders. The lieutenant had to have been acting on her own judgment, which meant she might not have been forthcoming about the trap she laid. Perhaps their blood would not be so obviously on the Wardens’ hands.

Serenity jolted in her seat when Mabari-Cullen nosed her elbow and whined, sensing her distress. 

“I’m okay,” she assured him. “I’m sorry I didn’t take you with us earlier. But I bet you would fetch us a lot of gold if you were sniffing out the smugglers’ goods, hm? Perhaps you and Nathaniel could go on a little mission of your own tonight when the smugglers are sneaking about in the dark?”

Mabari-Cullen barked and gave her what she called the ‘full body wag.’ His tail wag was happy, but his full body wag was ecstatic.

“I will let him know you like the idea,” she laughed and gave him a scratch under his chin. “But first, I need to write the Knight-Commander.”

She never imagined she would write to Greagoir, but if the lieutenant didn’t inform him of Anders’ freedom from the Circle, she needed to be sure he wouldn’t send any more templars after him.

  
_Knight-Commander Greagoir,_

_  
_Upon my arrival in Vigil’s Keep, the fortress was overrun with darkspawn. Two of your men died bravely in battle against the fiends. It is my understanding the templars were there to apprehend a mage by the name of Anders. I am sure you are sighing just at reading his name, but I have taken him under my wing and out of your hair.__

__  
_As you know, Anders is a Spirit Healer specializing in the school of Creation. I am not. Without Wynne here to assist me, his spells have saved me a fortune on potions and have saved my life more than once already since I met him. He has already undergone the Joining ritual and became a Grey Warden with the blessing of our King Alistair.__ _

___  
_I’m sure you’re already well informed about his status, but I wanted to write you myself to assure you that I will take full responsibility for his actions just as I have Jowan’s, who, by the way, has done naught but good deeds since joining the order. I hope that the Circle is doing well and all its inhabitants are no longer plagued by its bloody past.__ _ _

___  
_Maker’s blessings upon you, ser.__ _ _

___  
_Serenity Surana__ _ _

__  
She waited for the letter to dry and sealed it with wax before leaving her room to join the others in the tavern. She could hear them from the hallway at the top of the stairs and descended to stand at the end of their table as Mabari-Cullen bounded down ahead of her._ _

__Nathaniel glanced at the mabari that panted against his elbow, looking up at him. “What do you want, dog? I have no scraps to share.”_ _

__Oghren grinned at Serenity, raising his mug, and said, “Commander, come have a pint!”_ _

__“I’d like to speak with you… alone,” Serenity said, looking at Anders._ _

__Oghren gurgled and grinned, elbowing Anders in the side with an insinuating chuckle._ _

__“Ohh, I know that look,” Jowan said. “You’re in trouble.”_ _

__“I… really?” Anders asked, feeling himself starting to sweat._ _

__

* * *

__  
Anders followed Serenity upstairs, wondering if it wasn’t too late to run. It was clear they did not see the Circle or the Chantry in the same light, which he found strange, considering they had both lived under the same roof, trapped within the same cold walls._ _

From the moment she met him in Vigil’s Keep, Serenity knew Anders had a sordid past with the Circle and a deep-seated resentment toward the templars. She didn’t know why, but she had met enough templars and heard enough stories to know that she had been luckier than most.

“I owe you an apology,” she said, sitting on the edge of her bed.

“Preferably in the form of a chest full of gold. Wardens have that, don't they? Chests full of gold,” Anders quipped.

“I’m afraid not. We wouldn’t be running off to the Wending Wood tomorrow chasing after tree bark if that were the case.”

“Touché,” Anders said and cleared his throat. “I understand why you were upset. Sort of.”

She hesitated, looking up at him, and asked, “Do you remember me from the Circle?”

“Of course I do,” Anders answered. “I mean, aside from your very amateur escape attempt.” 

“It was last minute,” Serenity sighed. 

“That’s the problem,” he said. “You should have started planning weeks in advance. Unless, of course, you’re presented an opportunity like the one Jowan gave me.” 

“Why didn’t you speak to me when I tried talking to you in the library?” she asked. “I remember you were always in Creation whereas I took classes in Primal. I know we didn’t cross paths too often, but you gave me a pretty cold shoulder.”

“I didn’t want to make any friends,” he answered with a shrug. “I never planned on staying for very long. It wasn’t personal.” 

“That was so long ago,” she said, sitting on the edge of her bed. “I wouldn’t have ever guessed you were such a joker.”

“No? You were one yourself, weren’t you?” he asked, recalling her silly little pranks and her vibrant smile. She seemed much more serious now. “It’s the only way to survive in a world like ours, isn’t it? You haven’t lost that sense of humor since you left the Circle, have you?”

“I sure hope not,” Serenity answered. “There was something carefree about living in the Circle. The whole world didn’t rest on my shoulders.”

“The Blight is over,” Anders reminded her. “You can laugh again.”

“Oh, I never stopped,” Serenity said, smiling as she thought of Alistair and Morrigan bickering, Sten’s social etiquette when it came to procuring cookies, and Zevran’s coquettishness. She might have been overwhelmed by the looming threat and the drastic change in her lifestyle, but she treasured all of those memories they made together. 

“You know, when I heard you’d infiltrated the phylactery chamber, I’d hoped you might have just swept all the vials onto the floor to do everybody a favor while you were in there,” Anders said. “I know they’d just take our blood again, but I wouldn’t have been there for them to do it. They took so long to find me, I started to believe you did.”

“I didn’t even destroy my own,” Serenity said.

“Why? Why wouldn’t you when you had the chance?”

“Mine was on its way to Denerim already,” she answered. “I didn’t plan to run, anyway. I knew I would have to face the consequences of my actions.”

“I can’t decide whether that’s more brave or stupid,” he admitted.

“Both,” she said. “Equally so.”

“I like you, Serenity, but I… can’t pretend I even come close to understanding you. Didn’t you hate it there?” he asked. 

  
“No, I… at first, yes, but I came to think of it as home. Irving convinced me I had to accept my new life there and that I had no choice, whether I believed in the Maker and agreed with the Chantry or not. I was taught compliance. But I found small joys in the tower,” Serenity said and felt a tightness in her chest at the memory of Cullen. 

How many months was it since she’d last seen him? She realized it had already been more than a year. That was about how long she’d known him for, yet, she couldn’t let go of those memories. The feeling of missing him hadn't diminished at all. 

“Small, indeed,” Anders scoffed. “We aren’t afforded more than slivers of happiness. No more than we are allowed to feel the sun against our skin.”

She remembered the longing she used to feel to smell fresh flowers or feel the grass between her toes. Even during the few short weeks they had been allowed outdoors, they weren’t allowed to cross the lake. The ground around the tower was paved with stone.

“I had to appreciate what I had and not dwell on what I didn’t,” she said. “Irving helped with that. He was kind and patient. He made me feel like I could do something important with my gifts.” 

“I couldn’t do that,” Anders said. “Not when I had a mother who loved me. Not when I had a clear memory of what it meant to be free. I was older than you when I was brought to the Circle, I think. You were already living there when I showed up. Right from the start, I was treated like a criminal because I’d accidentally lit a barn on fire. The templars thought I was dangerous, as if I did it out of spite!”

“You didn’t? Weren’t you a hormonal adolescent?” she teased.

“Sure, I was a bit clumsy with my magic, among other things, at that age, but I didn’t think, ‘I hope your cows and means to earn a living go up in flames!’” Anders sighed, “Do you know how flammable manure is? It made my little spark look way more impressive than it really was.”

“You don’t think the Circle helped you at all to become a better mage?”

“I’m not saying that,” Anders said. “My teachers were helpful and guided me down a path I thought I could use to find fulfillment… and help people. But it’s the philosophy the Circles are built around – the Chantry drabble and fear mongering. Not to mention the holier-than-thou prison guards that treat us like rats raiding the pantry.”

“You really hate the templars that much?” she asked.

“’Hate’ is a strong word,” Anders said and shrugged, “But yes, I do hate them. I hate what they stand for. They keep us in a cage, hunt us down, and beat us if we try to go home or seek just a moment of peace outside the prison, separate us from our loved ones—within or outside the Circle. Because they’re afraid of us forming bonds.”

“Because of incidents like Uldred and his libertarian coup?”

“Not even that,” Anders said. “They don’t treat us like people, they treat us like animals. No, not even that. Animals are kept for breeding, and we’re forbidden from even holding hands. If they suspect an attraction between two apprentices or mages, they watch them like a hawk. Hasn’t anyone ever yelled ‘No touching!’ at you and Jowan?”

“No, but I suppose we never really touched,” Serenity answered. Jowan was like a brother to her, after all. “I do remember being watched. I got used to it though because I’d lived there since I was seven years old. It just came to feel like the walls had eyes.”

“But it was not the walls that watched you,” Anders said. “Not unless those creeps scraped out holes in the mortar. But why bother when they could just stand in the doorway and stare? Nobody could say anything if they did.”

Serenity felt her skin prickle. She had heard complaints from other apprentices—girls, usually—about lingering stares from the templars. She was so accustomed to them being there that she hadn’t thought about whether they were watching her undress or bathe for the purpose of perverse enjoyment. She had certainly never felt that way around Cullen, but he had never sought her out away from his post in the library. Not until after her Harrowing, anyway. 

  
“And Maker forbid you grow too close to someone of the same…” Anders muttered and cut himself off. 

They had sent Karl to the Gallows in the Free Marches. Why else would they have sent him so far away if not for how close they became? He felt his heart ache at the fading memory of his friend. He could still see his face, but he had a hard time remembering his voice—and he had loved his voice. Perhaps, he thought, after this business in Amaranthine, he could finally board the ship across the Waking Sea to find him.

“Of the same…?” Serenity asked. 

“Forget it,” Anders said, changing the subject.

“I think I was in denial about how unhappy I was for a long time, but Irving saw right through me,” Serenity confessed. “That was why I was so ambitious. I thought if I worked hard and focused on my studies, I could have a voice in the Circle and attend the College of Magi. Irving led me to believe I could have kind of power within the Circle. I think for some, like Senior-Enchanter Wynne, that is enough. She served as a teacher and a healer. But I realize it would not have been enough for me.”

“But you feel differently as a Grey Warden?”

“I have found my purpose,” Serenity answered.

“That sounds nice,” Anders said. “I guess it’s my purpose too now. Beats getting locked up in a cell, fed soggy bread, and beaten.”

Serenity felt her breath hitch in her throat. “You—what?”

“You were well behaved,” Anders said. “They had to maintain the illusion that they were guided by the Maker’s hand, holding His shield, blah blah blah. But once you cross them, you’re worse off than whatever we were treated like before. It was like they wanted to push me to the breaking point so I would prove their fears true. They wanted me to give in to whatever weak nature it is they think we inherently possess. They wanted me to turn so they could feel justified killing me.”

“Maker,” Serenity breathed.

“There is no Maker in that tower,” Anders said. “But there was a really nice cat. Mr. Wiggums. His purrs kept me sane when I lost track of how many days I spent down there.”

Serenity caught his hand and clasped it in hers. “I’m sorry,” she said, “for what I said and for what you’ve been through. I had no idea what they did to the mages they brought back… if they brought them back.”

“Yes, well,” Anders said, finding comfort in her hands wrapped around his, “I’m sure there were some templars who were ignorant to it too. Others willfully turned a blind eye because they couldn’t do anything to stop it. All of them would have seen my punishment as justified, I’m sure. A punishment to discourage me from trying again. It wasn’t enough to break down my body, they tried to break my spirit and my mind. But rest assured, Commander, I won’t become a blood mage or an abomination. If any part of you thought their fears justified, you can lay those doubts to rest.”

“That makes one of us,” she said and released his hand with a smile. “I trust you, Anders. I hope you can trust me too.”

“Wait, what?” Anders asked, shaking his head. “You’re a blood mage who gets upset at templars dying, but if they had even the slightest suspicion, they wouldn’t hesitate to run you through.”

“I know,” she answered. “I don’t share all the same views as the Chantry on the subject. I don’t see blood magic itself as evil but as a tool. It is how the mage utilizes that tool that is good or evil. That can really be said about any form of magic.”

“Well, blood magic isn’t exactly ‘any form of magic,’” Anders reminded her. “Demons, remember?”

“I know. The tomes I’ve read all offer evil within them. Mind control, summoning demons, even accessing another’s dreams in the Fade. It’s very risky. I only use blood magic sparingly so I needn’t always rely on mana,” she said, thinking of Pride who stalked her dreams. 

“Where did you learn blood magic from, anyhow? The Grey Wardens?” he asked.

“No. There were no Grey Wardens to teach me,” she said. “The only other Grey Warden I had with me during the Blight was a templar-recruit.”

“Ah, that explains a lot.”

“I learned the novice sustained spell from a book hidden in the stacks in the Circle library,” she said. “The collections have since been combed through and any books referencing the spells have been removed. I read Jowan’s book, skimmed through Flemeth’s grimoire, and collected the scrolls of Banastor. I’ve chosen not to practice most of the spells I learned because I see impeding on another’s free will as evil. There are lines I refuse to cross.”

“That’s a relief,” Anders said. “Not that I would chastise you for being a blood mage if that’s what you choose. But it goes against what I believe in too. I think it perpetuates a myth against mages that only continues to harm us.”

“I only use blood magic as a last resort to survive. If a horde of darkspawn is upon me and I am being overpowered and run out of mana, I will use my blood to power my spells.”

“You know if you run out of mana, you can just drink a lyrium potion, right? It’s blue, fizzy, gives your eyes a pretty sparkle?”

“I used to. But the lyrium trade is controlled by the Chantry. It's addictive and over long exposure, the returns are diminishing. I know I'm going to die young, so there's really no need to worry about the long-term side effects, but when it comes to long battles without any time to recuperate my mana, I would rather use a health poultice than feel my innards turn to mush from an overdose.”

“Well, I've now crossed lyrium potions off my shopping list, thanks.”

Serenity cracked a smile and said, “I'm not sharing my blood magic with you. I've corrupted you enough.”

“Is… is that a joke?” he asked, crossing his arms. By her deadpan delivery, he’d nearly missed the pun. “I would rather you corrupt me in other ways.”

When he winked, she snorted, “Is there something your eye?”

“Ouch, okay,” Anders chuckled. “I like you, Serenity, even if you’re a little mixed up when it comes to templars. But what do you plan to do if the Chantry ever finds out about your blood magic?”

“They won't find out,” she insisted.

“Humor me.”

She sighed, “Supposing a templar happened to see me cast a spell using blood magic, and he didn't try to kill me outright, then I would deny all claims against me. If I had to, I would speak to Knight-Commander Greagoir and explain it was a misunderstanding. After all, if I was using blood magic, I was in a trying battle in which blood was probably drawn without my using something sharp. I believe he would listen to reason, and I could convince him of my innocence.”

“Would you be willing to kill him if he didn't? I have my doubts that any templar, even one you have a good reputation with, would merely take your word for it that you're not ‘that kind of blood mage.'”

“I wouldn’t be any kind of blood mage as far as what I would tell them,” Serenity said. “And no, I could not kill Greagoir. If it came down to it, I would run. Even if they forced my hand, there are spells I can cast that don’t involve killing them that I could use to escape. Greagoir wanted to turn me Tranquil once, and I have since earned my way into his good graces. I killed a score of blood mages when they took over the Circle, and I have the First Enchanter to vouch for me... along with the King of Ferelden.”

“Well, you have more faith than I because the Chantry can't bear to have it be known they let any blood mage go free, even one they only suspect of wrongdoing.” Anders sighed, “If Rylock is any indication, the templars have become harsher since the Blight. She is the same templar that took me back the first six times I escaped.”

“She was…?”

“I don’t know whether Greagoir sent her out because he knew she would succeed in catching me or if she volunteered,” he said. “I drove her batty. She couldn’t stand me. But she’d never been so determined to see me dead as this last time.”

“The Wardens are not supposed to involve themselves in politics,” Serenity said, “but I hope that I can help change Ferelden’s perspective on mages. I’d hoped the Hero of Ferelden being a mage might have done something to make people think twice about us. But it won’t happen overnight. I don't expect to see the change in my lifetime. Every time a careless apostate becomes an abomination and wreaks havoc on a village, it instills more fear in the people. Every time a blood mage kills a templar, it makes us look worse. But mages in the Circle don't have the opportunity to show what good we are capable of. We do.”

“I hope you’re right, Commander.”

“You haven’t told me whether or not you’ve forgiven me,” Serenity said and stood up. “For my being a jerk.”

“You saved my life. But just to be sure, wanna hug it out?” Anders asked and opened his arms jokingly. To his surprise, she walked into them and wrapped her arms around his waist as she rested her head against his chest.

“It’s been months since I’ve had a hug,” she said.

“That’s a shame. Hugs give me the warm fuzzies,” Anders said, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. It was years since he’d felt another’s embrace. How many years had it been since Karl was whisked away?

“We should probably go make sure Oghren hasn’t spent all our money on booze,” Serenity said, pulling away from him. “Hopefully Nate will keep his spending under control. It wouldn’t be the first time his tab cost me more than my armor upgrade.”

  
Anders reluctantly let her go and followed her back into the tavern, where Nathaniel braved sitting directly across from Oghren and Jowan had moved his seat so far from the dwarf that he sat in the aisle between the tables. Serenity sat down beside Nathaniel, and Anders took the empty chair between Oghren and Jowan.

“All is well, I take it?” Jowan asked.

“Yes. How many has he had...?” Serenity asked. 

“Only four. He needed a bathroom break after the second,” Nathaniel answered.

Oghren grunted, “Hey, I’m right here, you sodding nug-lickers.”

“Why does your dog keep breathing on me?” Nathaniel asked, tilting his head toward the mabari who still had no care for personal space.

“Oh, that’s right! M.C. wanted you to accompany him in hunting down smugglers tonight,” Serenity said.

“He… what?” Nathaniel asked, noticing how the dog seemed to confirm what she just said with a happy tail wag and an obnoxiously loud bark. “If you intend to sneak around with me, you have to be quiet.”

Mabari-Cullen whined dramatically.

“If you think you can make me feel bad…” Nathaniel started. This sodding dog was too smart and manipulative for his own good. He watched Mabari-Cullen tuck his tail between his legs and lay his ears back. “Maker, stop!”

“What a good boy you are,” Serenity cooed. “You’re so smart. You made Nathaniel’s heart beat again, didn’t you?”

Nathaniel scoffed and averted his gaze from the two of them indignantly. “We’ll go at midnight. The smugglers are likely to be on the move during the shift change. They’ll be easy to track, considering they work out of this inn.”

“What?” Oghren barked.

“What, what?” Anders asked, sitting up straight.

“You were staring at me, you man-skirt-wearing freak.”

“Oh, I thought you were being attacked by a wild animal. But it was only your beard.”

“You think you're so clever, don't you? Sparkle-fingers!”

“Why did you even want to be a Grey Warden? You thought it would make for great drinking stories?” Anders grinned.

“I can't believe you survived the Joining,” Oghren grumbled.

“You got drunk and made a bet, didn't you?” Anders teased.

“I bet you I could crush your tiny human skull!”

“I bet I could drink you under the table,” Anders retorted.

Oghren grinned and pounded his fist against the table. “You're on!”

“Are you crazy?” Jowan asked.

“Yeah, there’s no way you could do it alone,” Serenity said. “Maybe if Nate and I were on your team...”

“’Nate’?” Nathaniel asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“Sorry. ‘Nathaniel,’” Serenity corrected herself mockingly.

“I'm not playing your silly drinking game. How about I stay conscious and make sure you aren't robbed? Or did you forget you just assigned me a mission tonight?” he asked. 

“Fair enough,” Serenity shrugged.

“Do all Grey Wardens play drinking games under the threat of darkspawn?”

“I haven't met too many,” Serenity reminded him. “But I’m pretty sure we’re a fun bunch.”

“So, what are the rules to this game, dwarf?” Anders asked.

“Eh heh.. rules? I thought we'd just drink ‘til only one of us was left standing!” Oghren grinned. “Okay, I'll tell you what… I'll drink one for each of ya, and if you outlast me, you win. Bragging rights.” He waved at the bartender and yelled, “Keep 'er comin! Put it on the Warden Commander's tab!”

Sorcha, the server, brought five mugs of ale over and set them down on the table.

“Better make it six,” Serenity said. “Jowan, you’re playing too, aren’t you?”

“Uh… sure,” Jowan said hesitantly. He knew better than anyone what a lightweight he was, but he could at least have one without embarrassing himself.

Nathan slid his drink over to Oghren and watched them drink. He wasn’t sure Serenity would be able to walk straight after even one mug of ale, being that she had half the body weight of any of them. But she started on her mug with determination. “You should eat,” he warned her.

“Whose team are you on?” she asked suspiciously, thinking he was trying to fill her stomach with bread so she couldn’t fit as much ale in it. “Oh, this is vile. Not as bad as the stuff I tried in Orzammar, at least.”

“I was just about to ask if you’d ever drank before, but I guess that answers that,” Nathan said.

Oghren chuckled, “You can take down an ogre, you can take down that drink!”

“It’s not so bad,” Anders said, finishing off his mug.

“That’s one!” Oghren said and chugged down his first—or technically, his fifth—drink. He let out a long belch and pushed the empty mug aside to wait for Serenity to finish so he could start another.

“I've ingested darkspawn blood and that blood mage's concoction,” Serenity said as she finished off her mug. “I will not be defeated by ale!”

Nathan accepted a mug from Sorcha but didn’t drink from it yet. “Blood mage's concoction?”

“Long story...”

“I wouldn’t be yelling those drink consumptions out loud, Serenity.”

“Oops. Was I loud?” she grinned, noticing he’d called her by her name for the first time. It was always ‘Commander’ this and ‘Commander’ that. Grumbles and grunts. But she wasn’t about to point it out. He might never let it happen again if she did.

Oghren chugged another mug of ale down and licked the side of the mug where some of the froth had bubbled over. “No tellin’ who be listenin’,” he said and pointed at Anders. “Quit nursin' yer drink!”

“I’m just… taking my time and enjoying the…” he cringed, “taste.”

“Yer cheeks are red, eh heh heh,” Oghren grinned, pointing. “You only had one! That’s embarrassing!”

Jowan had barely made it halfway through his first mug and felt the warmth rising to his own cheeks. “How much alcohol is in this stuff?”

“A lot,” the bartender answered proudly. “We dwarves take great pride in our ale!”

“Oh, shit,” Serenity said, sipping the foam off the top of her second mug. She hadn’t noticed the bartender was a dwarf. 

Anders rested his arm on Oghren’s shoulder and said, “You know, dwarf, you might make us woozy with your stench, but you make up for it with how you cleave all those darkspawn in two with that giant ax. I think it’s a good trade off.”

Jowan reached across the table to pour what was left of his ale into Anders’ half empty second mug and pushed his mug into the center of the table for Oghren to see. “All done!”

Oghren saw the empty mug and waved Sorcha over. “Another!”

“Not for me!” Jowan said, waving his hands to stop her as she nearly set one down in front of him. “For him!”

“Huh, I thought I drank more than that,” Anders said, leaning over his mug dizzily. “Do you think Andraste could hold her liquor?”

“Don’t talk about Andraste,” Nathan warned him. Not so much for his own sensibilities but because that could lead to a bar fight, and he was sure they’d already done enough to disgrace the order for one day.

“Or what?” Anders challenged.

“Or I am going slip sleeping powder into your drink to avoid any future headaches you can cause.”

Oghren laughed and slapped Anders on the back. “He’s gonna put you down. Like a baby!”

“That is definitely not how babies are put down,” Anders countered and took another swig from his mug. “Or is it? I wouldn’t actually know.”

Serenity finished her second mug and rested her head in her arms with a groan. “Why did I drink so much?”

“I told you you should have eaten something,” Nathaniel said.

“I think we should add a rule,” Jowan said. “Oghren isn't allowed to pee until he wins.”

Oghren started on another fresh mug and said, “Lucky fer me I already emptied the ol' piss tank. Heh heh.”

“Help us out, Nate,” Serenity whined. “You can still sneak around in the dark after only one drink, can’t you?”

“Stop calling me that.”

“How are you still upright?” Anders asked, counting the empty mugs on the table. He lost count at six and started over.

“Anderrs, he's winning,” Serenity said with a slight slur to her speech. “He's not supposed to win.”

Nathaniel sighed and drank down the ale before slamming his mug down. “Ugh!”

Serenity pointed excitedly. “Oghren, you have to match his too!” She laughed and nudged Nathan with her elbow. “I knew you would help us! Couldn't help trying to beat the dwarf, could you!”

“You were falling behind.”

“Am not!” she said and took a sip of the remnants from her empty mug.

“So, nooooow Mr. Quiet-pants joins in,” Anders teased.

“I haven’t joined in,” Nathaniel insisted. “I just had one.”

Oghren was chugging mug after mug, barely even spilling any of it as he did. “Ish... that… ahll ya got?” he hiccupped.

Serenity wobbled as she stood up to lean over the table and whisper in Anders’ ear, nearly headbutting him as she lost her balance and misjudged how far away he was. “What if,” she whispered, pausing to gauge her volume, “what if I cast sleep on him? He’ll think he passed out!”

“Whisperin’ sweet nothin’s in his ear?” Oghren teased, “Eh heh, I knew you two took entiiiirely too long all alone, heh!”

“That’s it—” Anders whispered back, glaring in Oghren’s direction. “Do it.”

Serenity snorted and giggled mischievously as she cast the spell.

“What are you… doing…?” Nathaniel asked and yawned. He was still sober enough to resist the effects of the spell and watched as everyone else in the tavern fell asleep. “You’ve lost your mind.”

Serenity laughed again and nudged Anders to wake him. “I win!”

“I’m glad you didn’t accidentally cast Blizzard,” he said, rubbing his head.

Oghren was on the ground with his legs still propped up against the chair as he snored.

Nathaniel sighed and stood up to go about waking the staff, hoping they wouldn’t be kicked out for the mages’ wily games. “You even knocked out the innkeeper!”

Anders leaned over to shake Jowan awake and said, “We should probably go hide in our rooms before they get suspicious.”

“What? What happened? Did I fall asleep?” Jowan asked and heard Serenity snort. “What… did you do?”

“Something stupid,” Nathaniel answered for her. He quickly went about waking everyone as closely together as he could before they could figure out what happened to them.

Oghren twitched and grumbled, “I didn't leave the kid up in the tree…” He slowly opened his eyes and grimaced at the sight of the inside of Anders’ robe. “AHG! WEAR PANTS!”

Anders snorted and stood up as he held his chair for balance, giving the dwarf an even clearer view. “You lost, dwarf. You put up a good fight, but you were no match for three mages and a kill joy.”

“What? I lost?” Oghren frowned. “Don’t rub it in, you pansy!”

“I’m going to make sure Serenity doesn’t fall up the stairs on the way to her room,” Anders said and helped her up.

Serenity scoffed, “I am the picture of grace.”

“Really? Because I thought Cullen doubled as your guide dog,” Anders said, “keeping you steady with your hand on his collar so you don’t fall down a mountain. I’ve seen you. I pay attention.”

“That—was one time!”

“One time you nearly plummeted to your death.”

“The hill was not that steep! At worst, I would have rolled my ankle!” Serenity laughed, “I am going to regret this tomorrow.”

“You don’t regret it already?” Nathaniel asked.

She handed Nathaniel her money pouch and tripped over Oghren on her way to the stairs. “Don’t say a word!”

“Wasn’t gonna,” Anders grinned.

The bartender shook his head and asked, “Andraste's breath, what just happened? Sorcha?”

“I… I’m not sure,” she answered.

“Let’s go, dog,” Nathaniel said, leaving Jowan to deal with Oghren. He’d noticed someone he didn’t recognize pass Anders and Serenity in the corridor. That stranger was their first lead to the smugglers’ den.

As Anders struggled with the door until she produced a key, he smirked, “I ever tell you the benefit of wearing robes?”

“Are you coming on to me?” she asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“I might be. Or maybe I'm jussh drunk. Could go eitherr way really.”

Serenity stumbled over to her bed and fell back on it before letting go of his arm. “You’re just drunk,” she said.

Anders fell forward and landed with his hands down at her sides. He smiled down at her, taking a moment to catch his breath and his bearings, and became very much aware of the beautiful elf lying beneath him. His gaze fell on her lips, and he decided to take a chance. He closed his eyes and leaned down to kiss her.

Serenity put her hand on his face, covering his nose with her palm to stop him. “We had fun, Anders, but this… can’t happen,” she said gently.

Anders pulled away quickly, sobered by her voice. “Ah… um... sorry. That was inappropriate of me.” He laughed, mortified, and said, “It's... the alcohol, I'm guessing. I mean, you are very pretty, and I—I like you. But I respect you too, Warden. Please… forgive my transgression.”

Serenity sat up and watched him back away. She smiled reassuringly, “I appreciate that. I want to be your friend, Anders. Not the kind of friend you had in Namaya, however.”

“Of… of course. That wasn’t what I…” he started. “If you need anything, you need but ask. Good night, Serenity.”

She felt bad for hurting his feelings. She could tell he was disappointed. But she couldn’t explain why she couldn’t reciprocate, not even out of curiosity. She wasn’t sure it was even that Anders wanted her—just that he needed someone. A physical connection. Comfort, maybe. 

Even without any guarantees, she couldn’t imagine herself kissing anybody else—the only man she wished to kiss was Cullen. She thought about his ire and how different he might be from when she knew him. She thought perhaps, with time, her feelings would change. But she learned they couldn’t, not until she found out whether he was the same man she still thought about or if what he’d endured had destroyed the light inside of him. She wouldn’t know that until she spoke with him again and looked him in the eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to ' Bird Set Free by Sia ' while writing this chapter.


	3. The Wending Wood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serenity meets Velanna and catches her first glimpse of the Architect.

Serenity woke up with a splitting headache, not unlike what she felt when she had too many lyrium potions. She hadn’t even bothered to remove her shoes before falling asleep the night before. She splashed cold water on her face and brushed her teeth before leaving Kristoff’s room to join the others at a table. “Ugh…”

“Good morning,” Sorcha greeted her. “What can I—”

“Please,” Serenity said. “No need to yell.”

Sorcha chuckled, “I’m sorry. You had a bit of a wild night last night. Can I get you anything?”

“Water and bread,” Serenity answered and held her head in her hands. “I don’t know how you do it, Oghren.”

“Heh, I’m a dwarf! We've practically got the stuff coursing through our veins.”

“I don’t think I’ll be participating in any more drinking games any time soon.”

“Not to mention,” Nathaniel said, “the bill for last night was fifteen silvers.”

“Andraste’s knickers,” Serenity cursed.

“It’s not my fault everyone wanted to take on the champ!” Oghren grinned.

Anders moved around the table to sit beside Serenity and said, “Sit up. I can cure that for you.”

Oghren grumbled, “You could cure a hangover and never told me?!”

“When are you ever hungover? You’re just perpetually drunk,” Anders said. “You have to stop drinking for there to be a hangover.”

“Heh heh, good point.”

Anders held his hands out around Serenity’s face when she lifted her head to look at him and chuckled as she squinted at the strands of light that emanated from his fingertips. He pulled his magic directly from the Fade and its benevolent spirits across the veil to cast a regenerative spell on her so her body’s natural process of regulating her blood alcohol level and recovery would speed up. “You’ll feel right as rain before we leave.”

“Thank you,” Serenity said, noticing her skin tingled where the filaments of light touched her. “We should head out to the Wending Wood. With any lucky, we can catch up with Kristoff in Black Marsh in the next four days.”

“Five,” Nathaniel estimated. “It’s three days to the Wending Wood, and we will need more than a few hours to complete all the tasks you volunteered us for. It could be longer if the darkspawn attacking the caravans went underground.”

“Oh, they’ll come up,” Serenity said. “Just as we can sense them, they can sense us. And we are a hot commodity right now.”

  
When they reached the Wending Wood, bandits had set upon the caravans that still smoldered with dying flames. Serenity had suspected darkspawn were behind the attacks, but as it turned out, it was neither darkspawn nor human thievery behind the murdered traders. A lone Dalish mage acting on a misunderstanding killed every human that passed through. Every human but the brigands who set upon the dead like vultures, anyway.

Serenity followed Velanna to her clan’s encampment. The aravels were broken down and empty, her clansmen buried around the circle in shallow graves. She was the lone survivor, it seemed. But her sister had been taken by the darkspawn, and as long as the Grey Wardens were useful to her, Velanna pledged her magic to their cause. For the time being, Serenity welcomed her talents. But she would not forget how easily Velanna slaughtered innocent humans without an ounce of remorse.

"Another twitchy mage sort? Just what we need," Oghren grunted.

"We're not twitchy," Jowan said.

"Not us… but she might light us on fire if we look at her funny," Anders warned him.

In the silverite mine, Serenity caught her first glimpse of the Architect, though she didn't know at the time who he was or what his goals were. She only knew he was unlike any other darkspawn she encountered before. He looked more human than darkspawn, except for how tall he was. He could overshadow even the Arishok. 

"My sister..." Velanna lamented. "I do not understand. She helped us, but she will not fight?"

"She doesn't appear to be enthralled," Serenity said, "but she does bear the marks of the taint. She will succumb to the disease in time. I'm sorry, Velanna."

"She gave us a key, didn't she? Maybe we should use it so we're not running around in our skivvies," Anders suggested.

"Skivvies?" Velanna repeated.

"Our underoos," he said. "Why, what do you call them?"

"Small clothes," Serenity answered, thinking then of Alistair. She called them undergarments before meeting him.

"Naked," Oghren answered with a grunt. When they all turned to look at him and groaned with regret, he scoffed, "What? I can't have my junk suffocating under a second layer! It's not like you can see through my pants without 'em!"

"Jowan and Nathaniel will be glad to have missed this particular excursion," Anders said. “Why did they get to hunt down seeds, tree bark, and silk while we have to deal with getting covered in darkspawn blood?”

“Because the sooner we finish our tasks here, the sooner we can find Kristoff,” Serenity answered and sighed. It wasn’t the first time she had been stripped of her clothing and belongings, but it still made her feel vulnerable. It was a relief to have another mage at her side. They weren’t defenseless. “Also because if I get hurt, I know you can keep me alive.” 

“One of these days, I’ll have to teach you a healing spell,” Anders offered. “Just in case I’m ever not right next to you.” 

Serenity liked the sound of that, but at least for the foreseeable future, she planned on keeping him right next to her. 

As they traversed the winding tunnels, they faced ghouls, tainted thralls of the darkspawn, and wraiths, and collected their belongings from the dead as they went.

“Why are they fighting us?” Velanna asked. “I do not understand. They are not darkspawn.”

“I don’t know,” Serenity answered. “If this darkspawn is a powerful mage, he could be controlling their minds, probably with some kind of blood magic. Darkspawn don’t have a connection to the Fade, do they? The emissaries use magic, but it doesn’t look like they use mana.”

“I know they can talk now and all,” Anders said, “but how convincing do you think a darkspawn can be? He’s still a darkspawn.”

“I suppose we’ll find out if he ever stops trying to kill us and tries diplomacy,” Serenity said. 

“He did not try to kill us though, did he?” Velanna asked. “We were stripped and imprisoned. To be made into… what did you call them? ‘Broodmothers’?”

Serenity shuddered at the word and remembered Hespith’s dark lullaby. “That doesn’t explain why Anders and Oghren yet live.”

“Maybe they wanted to keep us around for entertainment,” Anders said. “What about that dwarf that was wearing Oghren’s armor? Could he have been a Grey Warden they were controlling?”

Oghren grunted, “He looked like he belonged to the Legion of the Dead.”

“He reminded me of Ruck,” Serenity said and stopped at the mouth of another tunnel. “Do you hear that?”

“The groaning noise?” Anders asked. “I hear it. Are we going towards it? I’ll bet it’s another ghoul.”

Serenity followed the sound until she found a man lying in the dark, clutching at his broken legs. The armor protecting them was crushed as well as his bone. “Maker’s breath!”

“C-Commander? They got you too? I… I had hoped you would avoid capture.”

“What is your name, Warden?” she asked as she knelt down beside him and took his hand in hers. 

“My name is Keenan. I was at Vigil’s Keep less than a week when the darkspawn came. I think I may be the only one left. The others were killed or… or worse.”

She surveyed the damage to his legs, reminded of Nathaniel’s question about rescue mission protocol and the reason for needing so many men. Keenan likely would never walk again, but perhaps he could survive. 

“We’re getting out of here,” she assured him. “I can see you’re not well enough to travel. We’ll have to come back for you after we’ve cleared the tunnels.”

“No,” he said. “I’ll not walk again. I don’t know that I’ll make it to nightfall. I must ask a favor of you, Commander.”

“What is it?”

“There’s a darkspawn here, carrying a huge maul. He’s the one that crushed my legs. He took my wedding ring. Please, slay him and bring my ring back to my wife, Nida, in Amaranthine. Tell her… tell her I died trying to make this world better. Tell her I loved her?”

“I would rather bring you back to your wife,” Serenity said, squeezing his hand. “The Wardens will take care of you, whether you can fight or not.”

“Please, Commander. If I do not survive, see this done,” he pleaded.

“I promise I will,” Serenity said, meeting his glazed eyes. She could see he had resigned himself to dying, but she couldn’t blame him after all he had seen and endured. Were she in the same state, she would ask that the tattered letter folded in the cinch around her waist be delivered to Kinloch Hold. “I’ll come back for you.”

* * *

  
The Architect surveyed from a balcony, accompanied by a dwarf and Velanna’s sister, Seranni. Serenity saw them look up to the Architect for guidance as he summoned wyverns from their nests to fight them. The beasts bought enough time for the darkspawn and his followers to leave without interference.

“Why? Why is she with that monster?” Velanna asked desperately. “She follows him!”

“We won’t give up,” Serenity said. “We may not be able to save your sister, but we will catch up to them and get answers. They’ll be in the Deep Roads.”

“The home of the Children of Stone. They say wardens can sense the darkspawn even deep underground,” Velanna said and turned to Serenity, lifting her chin. “I would join the Grey Wardens. Give me the ability to hunt down these monsters in the Deep!”

“No,” Serenity answered.

“What?” Velanna tightened her fists, narrowing her eyes. “You would not have me? Have you not found my abilities useful?”

“They are,” Serenity answered. “But it is not that simple.”

“Tell me, then. What is complicated about it?”

“First of all, I do not take orders from you,” Serenity said. She had never had to say that before. “I am the Commander of the Grey Wardens. Anyone I conscript into the order, I am vouching for. Your behavior reflects on me.”

“I see. You do not want to take responsibility for a Dalish elf who has killed humans,” Velanna answered. “Then, I will continue into the Deep Roads by myself. I am not afraid of death. I will find my sister or die trying.”

“Wait,” Serenity said. “I didn’t say we wouldn’t help you or that I wouldn’t consider it.”

“Will you, then? Consider it?”

“Yes. I need to know that you will be committed to my cause, even after we find your sister. I also think it fair that I warn you,” Serenity said, “the Joining can kill you. The taint will kill you over several years. It is a death sentence, either way. I am going into the Deep Roads, regardless of whether or not you join me. I will help you find your sister. You can still live the life of a Dalish elf after you get your answers. You can find a new clan to join.” “It is… something to think about,” Velanna said, furrowing her brow.

“If you still wish to join the Grey Wardens, you will work alongside humans,” Serenity added. “I would expect you to be cooperative.”

“I am being cooperative now, am I not? This one speaks to me,” Velanna said, tilting her head towards Anders, “and I do not light him on fire, do I? I was not actively hunting humans before I thought they’d desecrated my land and massacred my people.”

“She has a point,” Anders said.

“I will consider it,” Serenity said. “We should go back for Keenan. Anders, would you be able to carry him?”

“It’s going to be hard to give him a piggyback ride with two broken legs,” Anders thought aloud.

“I’ll drag him,” Oghren offered.

“That could work,” Anders said. “I’ll splint his legs, we’ll lay him on something. Just don’t drag him up any stairs.”

When they found Keenan, he had already died. Serenity insisted they bring his body back with them, regardless. She would not want her body left down there to rot, where she had suffered a violent, painful death. Instead, they would dig a grave under the trees, near one of the statues.

* * *

  
“Is that…?” Jowan asked, approaching as Anders and Serenity finished covering Keenan’s grave with rocks.

“A Grey Warden,” Serenity answered. “He might have been the last one left from the attack on Vigil’s Keep.”

“Shouldn’t we have burned his body?” Jowan asked. “This forest seems awfully haunted.”

“Even if a spirit should try to possess him, it wouldn’t get very far,” Serenity said.

“We finished what you asked of us,” Nathaniel answered. “We should leave this sullen place.”

“Where are we going?” Velanna asked. “Into the Deep Roads?”

“Not yet,” Serenity said. “I know it will be hard, but you must have patience. We’re not ready to go chasing the darkspawn just yet.”

“We also freed two Avvar spirits from a couple of statues,” Jowan said. “They were trapped by a Tevinter mage. I thought, ‘What would Serenity do?’”

“I tried to reason with him,” Nathaniel interrupted. “The spirit that demanded the Tevinter mage be killed had a brother. This brother said killing the revenant would not free them from their curse. He insisted finding peace through forgiveness was the only way to truly be free.”

“But I killed the revenant,” Jowan said proudly. “Nathaniel helped.”

Mabari-Cullen barked and growled.

“Oh, right, and Cullen,” Jowan added, eliciting a tail wag from the war hound.

Nathaniel sighed, rolling his eyes. The irony of his argument was not lost on him. He was siding with the brother that favored forgiveness. He had learned over the course of the last few weeks in Serenity’s service that his anger did not serve him. “The spirits are still trapped.”

“But now they can rest,” Jowan argued.

“The revenant had it coming,” Serenity said and noticed the ever-present undercurrent of annoyance on Nathaniel’s face. “But the other brother wasn’t wrong.”

“Let’s get a move on,” Oghren said. “I’m thirsty. Those nug-licking schleet-humpers drank my ale!”

“You won’t find any in the Blackmarsh,” Nathaniel said and opened his pack to give the dwarf a flagon of whiskey.

“Wha—heh heh, you’re not so bad, Howe!” Oghren grinned. “Next time your back’s against the wall, you can count on ol’ Oghren.”

“We don’t need you going through withdrawals when we’re surrounded by undead,” he said.


	4. Blackmarsh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In pursuit of Kristoff, Serenity meets The First and helps the spirit of Justice.

Serenity could feel the weight of Keenan’s ring in her pocket as they walked northeast from the Wending Wood. She wondered how many Wardens were married and had families, whether it was before or after they joined the order. It wasn’t something she’d given any thought before, not even when she was with Alistair or he spoke of producing an heir with Anora. Morrigan all but confirmed a child would bear the taint. Considering that, could Wardens produce children? Or, the better question, should they? Would the child be diseased, cursed like the rest of them?

To be sure, she intended to write the Chamberlain in Weisshaupt with questions pertaining to marriage and childbearing, along with her report of what happened in Amaranthine. After all, Duncan had made no mentions of celibacy when she underwent the Joining. Alistair certainly wasn’t celibate. If the risk of childbirth was something they had no evidence for or against, Serenity would have to find Morrigan in a few months to see the old god she was going to give birth to.

She wondered if Keenan’s wife, Nida, already knew or could somehow sense that he had died. Was she expecting a letter from him, assuring her of his safety and continued dedication to his work? Had she heard any rumors regarding the attack on Vigil’s Keep? Did she await his arrival in Amaranthine?

A pang of fear struck her like an arrow. Would she know if something were to happen to Cullen? Would he think of her if he thought he wouldn’t ever have a chance to see her again? Or did he stop thinking about her a long time ago? She wanted more than anything now to know that he was okay. 

* * *

  
Upon entering Blackmarsh, the first thing Serenity noticed was the stench. She wasn’t the only one.

"Ugh, what is that...?” Velanna asked, pinching her nose. “It's awful! I know the smell of death, and this is worse still."

"Could be demons," Serenity said. "Smells a bit like rotten eggs."

"Or the walking dead," Nathaniel suggested, "coupled with stagnant water."

“Not to mention the smell of darkspawn. I don’t think they know what baths are,” Anders said and shrugged. "Still not as bad as Oghren after a bowl of nug chili and cheese."

“Laugh it up, Sparkle-fingers! I’m sleeping next to you tonight,” Oghren grinned.

“Why me!?”

“Because you had to open your big mouth!”

“Well, I can’t very well breathe through my nose, can I?”

Jowan laughed, “Better you than me.”

“That’s heartless,” Anders said. 

"There's something wrong with this place," Velanna said, ignoring their antics. "I don't like the air here."

"None of us do," Nathaniel answered.

"The only one immune to it is Oghren," Anders said and keeled over with a groan when the dwarf countered with a backhand to his crotch. "Damn your height!"

"I think she means the veil," Jowan said. “It’s all messed up here, isn’t it?” 

“It feels wrong,” Serenity agreed, leaving Anders to gather himself together and catch up. “I think I might be right about those demons."

The landscape reminded her of a dream, like the emptiness of the Fade made manifest in the physical realm. If the fog thinned, she thought she might see a shadow of the Black City in the sky, illuminated by the full moon. There were no signs of life at first glance. If she were to come upon any foliage, she expected to find Felandaris, the demon weed. 

The ground didn’t feel entirely solid as mud thick with clay clung to the soles of her shoes. The spiraling branches of leafless trees reached up toward the sky like claws. She thought they might have been dead, the bark hollowed out by insects and any of their greenery since fed on and disposed of. There weren’t any leaves on the ground to crunch under their footsteps as they made their way deeper into the marsh. 

It was eerily silent. 

"There's a darkspawn," Nathaniel said, giving the corrupted corpse a wide berth. "The work of Kristoff, perhaps?"

“Are those bloody werewolves?" Jowan asked, drawing his staff as a pack of blighted beasts closed in on them.

“I didn’t read or hear anything about werewolves in these parts,” Serenity answered, readying a spell as she drew easily from the cold in the air, manipulating the moisture of the fog with the end of her staff as frost covered the crystal on the end. Hand of Winter was often enough to incapacitate a group of enemies, but at the very least, it slowed them down. 

They were able to fight off the mindless pack without much effort, but they stayed on their guard.

"Who would choose to live in this place?" Velanna asked. "Without fresh air, with cursed humans running about like feral dogs?"

"Maybe the land was so affordable they could build that mansion," Anders said, “and maybe it’s the inhabitants of that mansion that are cursed and feral."

“It is said a baroness from Orlais lived here,” Nathaniel answered. “But evil magic killed everyone that lived here. They never found out what happened.”

“We’ll have a story to tell when we get back,” Serenity said.

“I used to dream of coming to the Blackmarsh and setting things right. Little boy dreams,” he smirked.

“Cute,” Serenity said, looking back over her shoulder at him. “And you’re doing it now.”

“So I am. If someone told me I would end up here, I would have laughed. I just assumed I would fulfill my duties as my father’s son. But…”

“This is a lot more fun, isn’t it?”

He chuckled, “Fighting demons and darkspawn? You have a strange notion of fun, but I’ll admit, it’s more exciting than what I was accustomed to.”

As they discovered a stone circle for spell casting, Velanna said, “This baroness must have been a powerful mage.”

“A blood mage, maybe?” Jowan asked. “It would explain the tear in the veil and the stains upon the stone.”

“If she is a blood mage, she might still live,” Serenity said, doubling back to follow the opposite path. “Stay away from the tears in the veil. We wouldn’t want any demons to jump out and grab you.”

Oghren moved a little closer to the group and grunted, “Damn these sodding topside problems. We don’t get demons popping out of the air to snatch us up in Orzammar.”

“No, you only have darkspawn knocking on your door,” Anders scoffed.

When they entered the nest of childer grubs as they emerged from their squelching cocoons, Serenity gagged. "Oh, that’s disgusting!"

"Are these some new kind of darkspawn?" Nathaniel asked. "I sense the taint inside them."

"This isn't even a Blight," Anders said. "Why is this happening now?"

Oghren let out a war cry as he went to chopping and smashing as many of the wriggling bugs with his great ax. Serenity moved as far away from the group as she could while still being able to assist with her spells. She had faced giant spiders, ghouls, revenants, and darkspawn, but the faces on these squishy looking monsters made her skin crawl. 

“What are you doing all the way back there?” Nathaniel asked after the grubs lay dead. “Not afraid a demon might snatch you up?”

“Not as afraid as I am of one of those things crawling on me,” Serenity said, rejoining the group. “What in the Maker’s name are they? How did they come to be?”

“Maybe they fed on the corpses of the darkspawn?”

“You think this was nature’s doing?” Serenity asked in disbelief. That would be proof enough that Wardens should not have children, if some kind of giant moth could feed on tainted flesh and produce infected larvae.

“There is nothing natural about darkspawn,” Nathaniel muttered.

Serenity wondered just how many other kinds of darkspawn existed, either underground or on the surface. If the corruption could be spread through reproduction, the blighted lands were far more dangerous than she’d initially thought. What if the corruption could be spread through the herbs that grew around Lothering? What if the harts and nugs that fed on those plants had the taint inside them and then the carnivores that fed on them became infected? Would some new breed of darkspawn eventually evolve from the beasts? 

No. No, that didn’t make sense. She tried not to let the anxiety of not knowing weigh on her. There were more darkspawn than she had faced during the blight, but they had to have been created, not by accident. The darkspawn were more intelligent than they had ever given them credit for. They weren’t simply a mindless horde bent on destruction and conquest. They made their own weapons. They made their own kind. 

Did the Grey Wardens know? Were they purposefully withholding information from her? 

She dismissed the thought as paranoid. She would receive answers from Weisshaupt in time. At least, she hoped she would. For now, she was the Commander of the Grey Wardens of Ferelden, leading her recruits the only way she knew how. By her intuition. 

* * *

  
“Mother said you would come,” the First grinned, spittle dripping from his lips. “She said if we left the body of the Grey Warden here, you would seek him out. Mother was right.”

Mabari-Cullen lunged at the darkspawn and snapped, interrupting the First from his speech. Serenity was almost sure he looked nervous, but it was hard to differentiate between darkspawn emotions when so much of their faces were missing.

“She will not permit you to further his plan,” the First said, backing up. “She sends you a gift.”

“What are you—” Serenity instinctively grabbed Mabari-Cullen’s collar to pull him back, recognizing whatever was in the First’s hand as a weapon. A bomb, maybe?

She squeezed her eyes shut as the environment warped around them, blinding them with a green light that faded into gold. She squinted, half-expecting an explosion, but she recognized their new surroundings. They were in the Fade.

The First hadn’t expected to go with them and was dismayed by sharing in their predicament. “I should not be here! I am betrayed! Mother sent me—knowing? Mother deceived me!”

“I couldn’t trust my mother either,” Oghren said.

“I will leave you with the Children,” he said. “I will find my way back! Back to Mother!”

He ran away, but before Serenity could try to stop him, they were surrounded by more of those icky little grub monsters. Fortunately, they were easy to kill.

“Should we have killed him?” Nathaniel asked.

“He’s questioning his Mother’s loyalty,” Serenity said. “We might still be able to speak to him and learn something about what the darkspawn are up to.”

“You think a darkspawn will talk to a Grey Warden? Really?”

“It’s worth a shot,” Serenity said. “I didn’t think a darkspawn could talk at all. But they’re full of surprises lately.”

“Fair enough.”

“Wait, what did that snarly bastard say?” Oghren asked. “Did he say we’re in the Fade? Dwarves shouldn’t be here! We don’t dream! We sleep like the Stone!”

“Keep your wits about you, Oghren,” Serenity said. “We’re not exactly dreaming if that makes you feel better. We’re still conscious. We’re just… separated.”

“It doesn’t! My body isn’t here!” Oghren argued, spinning in a circle to take in his surroundings. It was dizzying. “Separated how?” 

“We weren’t transported anywhere,” Serenity answered. “We’re still here. Think of it as seeing through another set of eyes. What we’re seeing was here all along. Our bodies are asleep, but we’re still in control of ourselves.” 

“I don’t want another set of eyes. I only want my own sodding eyes,” Oghren grumbled. 

“No one else is going to wander into the haunted marsh,” she assured him. “And we killed everything that was already there, right?”

“Sod it. Let’s just get out of here.”

Velanna wandered up a hill and dispatched the three desire demons surrounding a stone pedestal. “What is this apparatus?” she asked.

“Wow,” Anders grinned. “She wasn’t kidding when she said she’s not afraid of dying, Serenity. She didn’t even wait for us.”

“Why is she getting praised when all I get is yelled at for wandering off?” Oghren grumbled.

“Let’s see, we were still in the midst of fighting a band of thieves when you broke open a barrel of ale,” Anders recalled. “Oh, and the pirates on the coast!”

Oghren grunted, “Fine! But getting sauced up helps me fight better!”

“Oh, I believe that,” Anders laughed. “You don’t even notice when you’re bleeding. The problem is, you bleed more when you’re drunk. You completely exhaust my mana.”

“Wait,” Oghren said, thinking about what he’d said. “We’re just dreaming, right? If we die here, will our bodies die too?”

“No,” Velanna answered. “You, Child of the Stone, would survive. But my connection to the Fade would be severed.”

“You mean… you would become Tranquil?” Jowan asked, feeling all the more nervous about their predicament.

“I do not know what Tranquil is,” Velanna said. “But the realm of dreams poses many dangers. I ask again, what is this thing?”

“I don’t know,” Serenity said and reached out to touch it. Something changed in the air when she did.

“Are you crazy?” Jowan asked. “What if it summoned more demons?”

“We have Velanna, the demon slayer,” Serenity answered. “It might be what was causing a tear in the veil.”

“It was glowing,” Velanna said. “If we can find them all and touch them so they stop glowing, we might be able to close the tears.”

“Won't that lock us in?” Nathaniel asked.

“It may be our only way to find a way out,” Velanna answered. “The Blackmarsh is uninhabitable with the veil torn so.”

“Maker help us, we're surrounded by demons here,” Jowan sighed. “And did you hear the part about us becoming Tranquil if we lose a fight to one of them?”

“I heard,” Serenity answered. “I didn’t know that about the Fade, and it’s something I’d like to ask the First Enchanter about. But we will not let fear rule over us, will we? We need to find our way so we can finish our mission.”

“This place is making me dizzy,” Oghren grumbled. “How are we supposed to find anything in this place?”

“It’s a reflection of the physical realm, built on memories. We can retrace our steps. I remember where the veil was torn,” Serenity answered.

“And that stone circle?” Anders asked. “That might be our way out. I think I saw that darkspawn run that way.”

They followed Anders back towards the circle with the rune carved stones and went to activating them. Once the flames connected, they were greeted by waves of shades and rage demons.

After the circle was emptied, Jowan said, “Maybe we shouldn't touch anything else!"

“I can admit I was wrong, but it wasn't a bad guess,” Anders said.

“No, on the contrary, that was an awful guess! You couldn't have been more wrong!”

“It was just a gaggle of demons,” Anders said dismissively. Demons made him as uneasy as they did Jowan, but he wouldn’t admit that much.

“We should investigate the mansion,” Nathaniel said. “It’s not in ruins anymore.”

On their way inside, they encountered a girl mourning her grandfather’s grave. Serenity wasn’t sure whether she was a Fade walker or just a confused dreamer. Before she could ask, the girl ran away.

“Be wary of that one,” Jowan warned. “She doesn’t belong here.”

“You got that impression too?” Serenity asked. “What do you think she’s doing here?”

“She knew we weren’t spirits,” he said. “I think she might be a mage, one who failed her Harrowing.”

“What is this Harrowing you speak of?” Velanna asked.

“It is a test for mages from the Circle, in which they enter the Fade consciously to prove they can resist the temptations of demons,” Jowan answered.

“It sounds foolish.”

“It is,” Anders muttered.

Serenity chased down the girl and found she was, as Jowan suspected, possessed by a Hunger demon. They killed the demon, freeing the girl’s spirit from its clutches.

“Thank you, stranger,” the girl said. “Now I am finally free. I was weak… and foolishly gave into my desires, but the demon did not make it through. I have been stuck here with him since I failed my test. Now I can rest.”

Serenity thought of Mouse and wondered if there was some truth to what he had told her. Was he really an apprentice trapped in the Fade, his memory lost and his identity corrupted by it and possessed by a spirit of Pride? Or was he something else, something more? Could a demon have born witness to such an event and imitated it to manipulate her? He had been so convincing and seemed so confused. How much of what he presented to her was genuine? 

If she killed Mouse in the Fade, would the human whose face and voice she knew so well thank her for freeing him? Or would he feel betrayed? 

* * *

  
A benevolent spirit rallied the confused and restless spirits of the Baroness’ victims. Serenity had met Valor before. They looked so similar she would have thought they were the same until he introduced himself as Justice.

“I have watched this place and seethed at the wrongs visited on these poor folk, and now I seek to aid them. These men and women are dead, yet their spirits remain enslaved by the vanity of this sorceress.”

“This spirit knows the Fade,” Nathaniel said. “If we help him, he may help us in turn.”

“Ask a spirit for help?” Anders asked. “No. No, no, no. Don’t get me wrong. I ask spirits for help all the time in casting healing spells. But this is a little more complicated than closing a wound. The Baroness is our best chance at getting out. She created this mess. She can undo it.”

“Surely you’re not suggesting I side with an evil blood mage over a benevolent spirit,” Serenity asked, turning on her heel. “You heard the echoes of the dead too, didn’t you? She stole their children and sacrificed them. She treated these people like things.”

“No, I… I know,” Anders stammered. “But she tore the veil before, she could do it again. There are no guarantees with the spirit’s help. When spirits cross the veil, they become demons, don’t they? Wouldn’t we be using him and doing more harm?”

“We have four mages among us,” Serenity answered. “I’m almost certain we could find a way back. I won’t consort with the Baroness. You know she’s probably a demon herself, don’t you?”

“Because she’s a blood mage?” Anders asked. “She seems more like a lost soul herself, stuck in a loop, reliving her past.”

“Forcing her subjects to relive theirs. I will help the lost souls under her thumb,” Serenity insisted.

“Fine,” Anders said. “I suppose it’s the right thing to do, even if we end up stuck here for eternity.”

“Stuck here?!” Oghren shouted.

“But most likely not,” Jowan assured him. “With the lyrium veins all over the Fade, I think we could find a way back. It would just be like doing the Harrowing in reverse… theoretically. We’re all lucid, at least. If we don’t lose track of what’s real, we can find our way back. But if we succumb to the dream, we’ll be wandering forever.”

“This place is giving me a sodding headache! How do you humans survive your sleep every night?”

“I’ve wondered that myself,” Jowan shrugged.

“With your help,” Justice said, “we can challenge the witch directly.”

“That’s more like it,” Oghren said. “Less talking, more killing!”

When facing the Baroness, Serenity learned the First had joined her side in exchange for her help crossing the veil. As the others expected, he would not speak with a Grey Warden. Serenity tried to reason with him, if only to learn more about the Mother, but he chose to fight instead. When he failed as the Baroness’ champion, she killed him to pay her spell’s cost in blood and sundered the veil.

* * *

  
Serenity awoke in the physical realm and rubbed at the crick in her neck before wiping the mud off her face. She had slumped over Mabari-Cullen and slept face first in the damp soil.

“Maker’s breath,” she muttered and turned to help Oghren roll over. “That wasn’t so bad, was it? We were only asleep for a few hours, I think. I don’t even know if time passes at the same rate. We could have only been lying here for minutes, for all we know.”

Oghren grunted, “This is what I get for following around a bunch of mages, huh.”

Serenity nearly jumped out of her skin when Kristoff stood up. “Maker’s balls, what the—”

Anders took two steps back. “Is that…?”

“The spirit of Justice?” Serenity asked.

"This does not bode well," Velanna muttered uneasily. 

“The witch sundered the veil,” Justice answered, looking down at his gloved hands. “All of us were drawn through. She still lives, but she is not human.”

Serenity shot Anders a pointed look, as if to say ‘Demon. Told you so.’ Twisted by her desires, no doubt. 

Following Justice’s lead, they sought out the rifts in the veil and closed them to prevent more demons from pouring through. Serenity had never seen anything quite like it. Even the Circle, when it was overrun with abominations, or Soldier’s peak, where it was ruled by demons, hadn’t had visible tears in the sky. The tears had been present in both of those places and took a great deal of time and magic to repair, but they were only felt, not seen.

When they faced the Baroness again, Serenity expected her to be a Desire demon. She had desired power and control. But she was met instead with a demon of Pride. She had already possessed power and control. She’d had it all. Serenity took great pleasure in taking it all away. After the Pride demon was defeated and faded away, Justice turned to face Serenity and said, “I… cannot return to the Fade. I am trapped within the body of this Grey Warden.”

“There must be some kind of spell or ritual we can perform to send you back,” Serenity said.

“I know nothing of this world or its spells and rituals. I welcome your advice, mortal. I do not wish to die,” Justice said.

“You know nothing of this realm?” Serenity asked, concerned. She did not want to kill a benevolent spirit, but she didn’t know where to start in caring for one. Bringing one to the physical realm was unheard of. It seemed… dangerous.

“Demons seek out dreamers and draw sustenance from their memories. My kind has no such compulsion. I have no purpose here, no goal.”

“I don’t know enough about spirits to advise you, spirit,” Serenity said uneasily. “Anders?” 

“This is a little outside my realm of experience,” Anders said hesitantly. “The spirits I speak to are on the other side. I’ve never met one that crossed over and retained their essence. All that I have met in the waking world were demons.” 

“I am no demon,” Justice interjected. 

“I’m afraid to lead you astray or harm you in some way, even meaning well,” Serenity said. “I do not wish to change your purpose to suit my own. Your purpose is Justice, is it not?” 

“You understand,” he said. “There is but one injustice remaining. The mortal I inhabit was murdered by the creatures of the foul darkness. I would like to continue his mission.”

“You would like to be a Grey Warden? Would that continue to serve your virtue?”

“It would.”

“Then, I welcome your help. But I want to keep you close,” Serenity said. His existence in their realm made her uneasy for reasons she did not yet know. 

"Ugh," Velanna groaned. "I can't stand crotchety old men who think they know everything." 

"I am no man," Justice reminded her.

"You live in the body of one."

Justice was given pause and conceded, "You are right. I do. But I do not claim wisdom, only Justice."

"Which means we'll never hear the end of it," she said.

"Come now," Anders said playfully. "You must be a little bit curious about what we can learn from a spirit." 

"What is that saying?" Velanna asked. "Curiosity 'killed the cat'?"

"Curiosity is not violent," Justice protested. "On the contrary, it is quite innocent." 

"Do you mean to say there exists a spirit of Curiosity?" Velanna asked, intrigued. 

"See," Anders said. "Learning already." 

“Oghren, you will lead Jowan, M.C., and Velanna on our money-making endeavors from now on," Serenity said. "There are always guild and chantry boards with jobs all over the arling.”

Nathaniel cocked an eyebrow. “You would rather I, the thief, be on your darkspawn-killing team than your money-making team?”

“I would, unless you still can’t stand being in my presence,” Serenity answered.

“No, I… was just surprised is all,” Nathaniel said, even more surprised at how disappointed he felt to think he might no longer have one-sided conversations with the mabari.

“Heh. Normally I would put up a fight to be on the ol’ darkspawn-smashing team, but I've had my fill of spirit business for a while,” Oghren said.

“We should return to Vigil’s Keep and check in with Varel,” Serenity said, scratching Mabari-Cullen behind his ears. “And then I must deliver Keenan’s ring to his wife.”

"Oh, looks like you won't have to spend too much time with the crotchety old treasure trove of knowledge after all, Velanna," Anders said.

"Or your big mouth, for that matter," she answered.


	5. The Knotwood Hills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serenity returns to Vigil's Keep and finds a kitten outside her window. After stopping by the city of Amaranthine, they pursue the darkspawn in the chasm in Knotwood Hills.

When Serenity arrived at Vigil’s Keep, she was surprised to walk into the beginnings of a revolt by the farmers. She was not in the mood to deal with people yelling at her, questioning her competency, and possibly having to dodge fruit thrown her way. Her feet were sore, she was tired, and her thoughts were all muddled together with the stress of darkspawn and demons.

“The people are complaining of starvation?” she asked dolefully.

“The darkspawn have been razing villages and farmland to the ground,” Seneschal Varel said. “But we must ration for winter. If we open the granaries now—”

“Feed them,” Serenity said. “We will not go hungry.”

“If we coddle the mob, they’ll think they can bully us again next time,” Captain Garahel warned. “If you allow me—”

“They are being slaughtered already,” Serenity said. “Their livelihoods are suffering at the hands of the darkspawn. We need their loyalty, not their distrust.”

“It will be done,” Varel said. “There is another matter to attend to inside, if you have a moment, Commander.”

Serenity followed the seneschal into the keep, thinking about the hot bath she would take afterwards. She wanted to soak in the fragrant salts Zevran had sent her from Antiva. She had never really ‘pampered’ herself before, but the way Leliana spoke of her practices in Orlais, it sounded relaxing.

“Bann Esmerelle,” Varel greeted her. “What is your urgent matter for the Commander?”

“I am here about the good arl,” she answered. “The good arl you killed.”

Serenity quickly glanced around the room, becoming more alert to her visitors. “This is it? You don’t want to try to be sneaky about it?”

“Rendon was good to us,” she answered. “Good to me. I wanted to look you in the eye.”

“You do not think I know an Antivan Crow when I see one?” Serenity asked.

“Not just one. Six. Now his death will finally be avenged!” Esmerelle announced, signaling the attack.

Serenity cast a force field around herself, certain their attempts would be concentrated on her, giving her companions time to fight back and herself time to find a target for her next spell. But she hadn’t counted on Varel’s impressive reflexes to block the first arrow. Fortunately, it only pierced his arm, and the gauntlet he wore would have stopped it from penetrating too deep.

She thought Nathaniel would have hesitated to kill the woman who declared her loyalty to his father, but he drew his arrows as soon as the first one flew. Although half their party remained in the courtyard, Nathaniel, Anders, and Justice were enough to thwart the Bann’s attempted revenge. If he’d wanted to, Nathaniel could have taken that opportunity to have his vengeance, but if he’d even given it half a moment’s thought, Serenity couldn’t see it.

“I suppose the revolt was meant to be a distraction?” Serenity asked.

“So it seems,” Varel said, holding the arrow in his arm. “The people’s concerns are real, but they never would have risen up without a push.”

“It’s not a very good distraction if she doesn’t utilize it,” Serenity said. “I’m sure one of these Crows probably told her the same thing. She should have tried to shoot me while I was standing on the steps, addressing the people.”

“Are you really critiquing an assassination attempt right now?” Nathaniel asked.

Serenity chuckled, “I have spent too much time with Zevran. Or, maybe not enough time. I wasn’t paying attention outside. I think I got used to having him there to do that thinking for me. I didn’t even think to look around the battlements for Crows with crossbows.”

“You were complaining of being tired,” Nathaniel said. “You should probably get some rest. You will pay more attention when you’re not half asleep.”

“This is her half-asleep?” Varel asked as Anders tended to his arm.

“Forgive me, Commander,” Captain Garevel said. “I should have been more careful.”

Serenity went over and kicked one of the Crow’s feet and said, “Remember those boots. They’re Antivan. That’s not to say anyone wearing them is a Crow, but they very well could be. I’ve only ever seen one other person wear them.”

“Yes, Commander. I will keep that in mind.”

“If there’s nothing else, Varel, I could use an hour or so to myself,” Serenity said and leaned over to inspect his arm. “Thank you for intervening. Those Crows have good aim. I’m just glad you’re okay. I need you, you know.”

“I… of course, Commander.”

  
Serenity retired to her room and massaged her feet as she drew a bath. They wouldn’t remain at Vigil’s Keep for more than a few days. She still needed to return to the city of Amaranthine, now not only to return Keenan’s ring to his wife, but to seek out Kristoff’s wife and Nathaniel’s sister. It would be a welcome excursion before pursuing the darkspawn in the Knotwood Hills.

As she soaked in the tub, enjoying the aroma of the rose scented salts, she heard a peculiar noise from outside her window.

_It can wait,_ she thought, listening for it between intermittent pauses. It had to be a small animal. She didn’t think it was a nug. They made more chortling snorty noises than the little whines coming from outside. She remained submerged until the hot water cooled to room temperature.

“Just wait another minute,” she called, answering a tiny whine. “I can’t get out yet, or I’ll waste the gift Zevran sent me. Have patience!”

When she finally made her way downstairs and explored outside the building, she found a little ball of fur under her window in the tall grass. She knelt down and scooped him up to get a closer look at him. 

“A kitten?” she asked, tucking him into the crook of her arm. “Where did you come from?”

She looked around for the mother or any littermates, but she saw no sign of them and the only mew she had heard came from him. She carried him back to her room and set him on the bed. “You scrawny little thing,” she cooed, petting him gently. “You’re only half the size of my dog’s paw.” She remembered then that Mabari-Cullen would be sleeping in her room that night, at the end of her bed. She couldn’t risk the poor little baby being squished. Not that her Mabari would do it on purpose. He might even dote on the kitten if she let him. He was a big scary war hound, but she knew he was a big softy too.

“I know just the person to take care of you,” she said, emptying her bag to hide the kitten inside. “We can all sneak into the scullery together to find you some milk.”

She searched the keep until she found Anders in the courtyard, speaking to Justice. “What’s going on?”

“I was just asking Justice why spirits seek out mages,” Anders answered.

“He speaks of demons,” Justice said. “I am not a demon. They have been perverted by their desires.”

“Are you saying you could become a demon, Justice?” Anders asked. 

“No. I have no such desires,” Justice answered. “I must speak to the elf. She must atone for the murders of the humans.”

“Good luck with that,” Serenity said. She hoped Justice could convince Velanna to reflect on her actions. It still bothered her to think about the mass grave of innocent humans preyed upon by her. She still showed no remorse for what she did, despite their proven innocence. All because they were human.

“Were you looking for me?” Anders asked, noticing Serenity remained after Justice walked away.

“I have something for you,” Serenity said and lifted the flap on her bag.

Anders gasped and tried to subdue his excitement. “Wait. For me? You’re giving me a kitten?”

“You mentioned Mr. Wiggums, and you sounded very fond of him. This little guy was all alone outside my window. I wasn’t sure it was safe to keep him in my room with a dog, but… I think he would be even happier with you,” she said as she scooped up the bony ball of fur and held him out for Anders to take him. 

“I do miss that cat,” Anders said, tucking the orange striped kitten into his robe. It was so small and fragile still. “But how can I care for it when we’re running about fighting darkspawn?”

“We can leave him here for the time being,” Serenity suggested. “We won’t always be fighting the darkspawn. It’s in those moments of quiet you’ll need him most.”

“Thank you,” Anders said, noticing how the kitten’s whole body vibrated with its purr as he rubbed his thumb under its chin. “This means a lot to me. Really, I… I don’t know what to say.”

“We should get him something to drink. Some milk, maybe,” Serenity said and tilted her head towards the kitchen. “What do you think his name should be?”

“Ser Pounce-a-lot,” Anders smiled, using a feather from his robe to play with the kitten. It wrapped its little claws around the feather and tried to chew on it. “He’ll make a mighty fine mouser someday.”

“With a name like that, I believe it,” Serenity chuckled. “It’s a little more threatening than ‘Mr. Wiggums.’” 

“Don’t let Mr. Wiggums’ name fool you. He was a ferocious beast,” Anders said as he followed her into the kitchen. “He was a little pudgy around the middle, and his meow was so high pitched I thought he was a girl for the longest time. It’s dark down in the dungeon. But every so often he’d roll over and demand a belly rub… before deciding my hand offended him. He had a nasty bite.” 

Serenity opened a chest for a glass bottle of milk and set it on the counter before opening the cabinets in search of a bowl. “But you loved him anyway.” 

“He was a good cat,” Anders said, smiling down at the vibrating ball of fur curled up in the crook of his elbow. “They stopped keeping cats in the tower after what happened to him though.” 

Serenity set a bowl down on the counter and looked up at him. “What happened to him?”

“He became possessed by a rage demon—but he did take out three templars. I was never more proud,” Anders smirked. 

“You’re not serious, are you? Proud of a rage demon?” Serenity asked as she poured some of the lukewarm milk into the bowl. 

“No, I’m—that’s not what I meant,” Anders said. “Isn’t kind of funny to imagine though? He was still a cat, even possessed. You wouldn’t expect such a small animal to get the best of three suits of armor.”

Serenity knew she needed to learn not to take Anders too seriously. But she knew he had no fondness for the templars, and considering the isolation they subjected him to and whatever other demeaning untold tortures he’d endured, she couldn’t fault him for how he felt. She wasn’t sure she wouldn’t have felt the same way in his shoes. 

“It might have been my fault,” he admitted, setting the kitten down in front of the bowl. He smiled as it dipped its paw into the liquid and lapped at the droplets that clung to its toes. “I didn’t ask for it to come. But spirits are drawn to me even when I don’t invite them. I know how to quiet them as well as I know how to listen. But I was so angry. The templars forgot about me down there. For a long time. When they found me again, one of them joked about it. He actually laughed.” 

Serenity felt a tightness in her chest constrict around her heart at the thought of him being hungry, dehydrated, and completely alone—except for the company of the cat and the spirits he could commune with.

“You’ve been to the repository,” he said. “You’ve seen the dungeons. Sentinels guard the hallways. The veil isn’t right down there. I wondered if it was because of the magic they used to give the suits of armor life or because of the magical artifacts they keep. Or if it was because they tortured and killed mages in those cells.”

“Maybe it wasn’t your rage that invited the demon,” Serenity said. “Animals sense things about people. It’s like my dog can read my mind sometimes. Or my heart. Maybe Mr. Wiggums knew you were hurt and he wanted to protect you.” 

Anders smiled. “I… hadn’t thought of it that way, honestly. All this time I’d blamed myself for putting him in harm’s way. But maybe you’re right. I’d like to think that’s really the reason why and not because I was reckless with my emotions in a place where the veil was fragile.” 

Serenity reached out to pet the kitten as it craned its neck to drink directly from the bowl and said, “You shouldn’t carry that guilt. It’s bad for your health. You loved Mr. Wiggums.” 

“I did.” Anders smiled down at Ser Pounce-a-lot as he cooed, “And I love you too, Ser Pounce-a-lot. Yes, I do.” 

* * *

  
On their way out of the kitchen, Serenity bumped into Fiona, the elven mage she knew to provide enchantments. “Oh, I’m so sorry!”

She had assumed Fiona arrived with the Grey Wardens from Orlais, but she learned from Varel that she was the First Enchanter of the Montisimmard Circle. 

“Busted,” Anders said.

“No, no, it’s quite all right,” Fiona answered and smiled. “I was hoping to have a word with you, Commander.”

“I’ll take Ser Pounce-a-lot to my room,” Anders said, excusing himself before anyone else caught them in the act of stealing.

Serenity followed Fiona into the adjoining courtyard. “I have questions for you too, actually. I’m glad we have a moment to talk.”

“By all means,” Fiona said. “You go first.”

“What is the Circle like where you come from? Is it much different from Kinloch Hold?”

“I haven’t spent an extensive amount of time in the Ferelden Circle, but in Orlais, we do afford our mages more freedoms. They are allowed to leave the Circle with approval and those that aren’t granted leave are allowed visitors, for example,” she answered. “In time, it is my hope that mages will be self-governing.”

Serenity was relieved to hear her ideals for the Circle were already put into practice elsewhere. To be given leave, even for a day, was all many of the Ferelden mages asked for. Of course, given that taste of freedom, she knew their desires could grow and want more. 

“I don’t know how much faith I have in a system without the templar order, if I’m honest, but I long to see the Circle here relax their hold on the mages,” Serenity said.

“After what occurred there last year, I suspect they’ve taken a step back on the path of progress,” Fiona answered. “But give it time. They will catch up.”

“Can you teach me a magic I haven’t learned?” Serenity asked. “I know there are many more schools of magic than the Ferelden Circle let on about. There are no books about the Arcane Warrior, the Keeper’s magic, or Shapeshifting. Is there something else I am missing out on?”

“You’re a very curious sort,” Fiona smiled. “I can see why Duncan recruited you.”

“You knew Duncan?”

“We were good friends once,” Fiona answered. She would have said more, but she knew giving away any more information would beget more questions. She had to safeguard her secrets, even from the Commander of the Grey. “I can teach you battle magic if you’re willing to devote yourself to it. Like any specialization, it takes a great deal of time and practice to master. It also involves a great deal of risk.”

“No more risk than blood magic, I hope?”

“Not in the same sense, no,” Fiona answered. “If you are accustomed to fighting from a distance, you will have to go against your instincts and fight beside your warriors.”

“I have done it before,” Serenity said. “Teach me. Please.”

Serenity spent most of her downtime in Vigil's Keep with Fiona, learning from her. She tried to ask questions about Duncan and Fiona's time with the Grey Wardens, but her mentor acted like a teacher, re-directing her attention to the work at hand. It was obvious she was hiding something, but Serenity wouldn't stop trying to peel back the layers a little bit at a time. She respected the First Enchanter's abilities and her patience for her many attempts at interrogation... but not enough to let sleeping dogs lie. She hoped, in time, the First Enchanter might trust her enough to tell her something. But neither would she get her hopes up.

* * *

  
When Serenity and her companions reached the city of Amaranthine, Nathaniel found his sister in the market and spent the day speaking with her. Serenity helped Justice put his anxiety over Kristoff’s wife, Aura, to rest– or at least, that was their intention. Something about Justice fulfilling Kristoff’s mission felt wrong. She felt like she was using him.

“Did I do the right thing?” Justice asked.

Serenity was surprised he looked to her for guidance. They were in the physical realm, and he was unfamiliar with how their world worked, but he was the virtuous one. She had always thought benevolent spirits were wiser than any mortal. She appreciated, however, that he asked questions and considered the ramifications of his actions, rather than being arrogant in his righteousness. In some ways, he reminded her of a child. It was a silly thought though, one she would never admit to. He was timeless, immortal. 

“I don’t know,” Serenity answered honestly. “I think so. But you are not Kristoff, Justice. You did no wrong in taking over his body and have no obligation to carry out his tasks.”

“Fighting the darkspawn fulfills my purpose,” he said. “They must be brought to justice for the atrocities they committed.”

“The darkspawn that killed Kristoff is already dead,” she reminded him. “But I understand your sentiment and I agree with it. The darkspawn have caused more pain and suffering in this world than we can measure. Some parts of the world they have touched cannot be restored.”

“Aura loved this man a great deal, and… he loved her,” he said contemplatively. “I envy what they had.”

“Tread carefully,” Serenity said, touching his arm. “Envy is not virtuous, Justice. You can see his memories like the spirits that project echoes on the Fade, but do not mistake them for being yours.”

“I… I do not,” he said. “Thank you, Commander. I will not allow these emotions to taint what I am.”

She was glad he had spoken the feelings aloud so she could remind him to be conscientious about them. These were emotions he had never felt before. Spirits did not envy humans. _Demons_ did.

* * *

  
Serenity sought out Nida to return her husband’s ring. She would have thought she knocked on the wrong door if the man she was with hadn’t addressed her by name. The way they held hands and she leaned into him so intimately suggested she was an adulterer. In some places, Serenity knew, adultery was still punished by death. Not that she had it in her mind to say anything or pass judgment. But it hurt her heart to know Keenan’s last words and thoughts were only of her while she took comfort in another's embrace.

“Nida? I’m the Commander of the Grey Wardens,” Serenity started. When her companion left them alone, she continued, “Your husband asked me to give this to you. I am sorry to say he died in the line of duty.”

Nida took the ring and curled her fingers around it. “Died making the world a better place, did he? That’s what he always said, anyway.”

The dismissive, resentful tone she took bothered Serenity, but it was not her place to tell the woman how to grieve—assuming she would mourn him at all. She wasn’t going to argue about the importance of the order, his greater purpose, or the sacrifices all Wardens had to make. 

“He loved you,” Serenity said. “He was an honorable warrior. I hope that you can live a happy life.”

Nida raised her gaze to meet Serenity’s eyes, surprised not to see malice there. “Leave me, please.”

Serenity left her room and exchanged glances with Nida’s companion as she passed him on her way down the stairs of the inn. She wondered if she could ever have a relationship built on love and trust without resentment and loneliness. As the Commander of the Grey, it seemed like she would always be busy. It wasn’t as if she could start a family—or if she even wanted one. But she wanted something. 

It just seemed like it would never be more than a dream. It didn't help that her mind always drifted to one person--the one person she was almost certain could never love her back. Even if he did, he lived in a Circle, and she had to fight underground. Even if she did retire to the Circle until she heard the Calling, she was still a mage. They were worlds apart.

She tried not to think about it. If she just focused on her duty, on the task at hand, maybe she wouldn’t miss him with every fiber of her being and maybe she wouldn’t wonder if he missed her too. 

* * *

  
Serenity left for the Knotwood Hills in the morning with Nathaniel, Anders, and Justice. It was still several days before they reached their destination and descended into the caverns that led to the Deep Roads. They met a dwarf from the Legion of the Dead on their way in. Her warnings about the women in her party being taken by the darkspawn made Serenity’s stomach turn with that familiar rise of panic she only ever felt in the Deep Roads.

“Broodmothers?” Nathaniel asked.

“That’s how they make more of them,” Sigrun answered. “They turn the women they take into monsters made for breeding. It’s deplorable.”

“I still have nightmares about the one I saw,” Serenity admitted. “You were right to flee. I would die before letting them take me.”

“No one’s dying,” Anders said, clapping her shoulder for reassurance. “We can stop to rest if you’re not ready.”

“I’m ready,” Serenity lied. 

It wasn’t that she was tired. She was just scared. It seemed every time she went down into the Deep Roads, the feeling became more intense. She could feel her hands shaking, but she didn’t think anyone noticed.

Inside, they found fragments of memories reflected from the Fade, interrupted by infighting between darkspawn. Any time she had been in the Deep Roads before, the darkspawn honed in on them, but this time, they were distracted by each other. She did remember The First mentioning The Mother meaning to prevent her from aiding someone they referred to as Him. Were they unwittingly becoming involved in some kind of civil war?

When they came upon the nest of the Children, Serenity hung back, hiding behind Nathaniel so at least if the grubs got past Justice and Sigrun, they would have to go through Nathaniel and Anders to get to her.

“Of all the things,” Nathaniel said. “You’ll wag your finger at assassins, fearlessly run through the Fade fighting demons, and slay an Archdemon, but a few grubs—”

“With skittery legs and creepy humanoid faces,” Serenity said pointedly. “They just sprouted more legs! They're as tall as I am!”

“You’re right,” he said, realizing his teasing was inappropriate, particularly after she’d voiced the nightmares she still had from seeing a broodmother. The darkspawn were no laughing matter. “Just stay back here. You don’t need to be so close to cast your spells.”

On their way to the broodmothers’ lair, they fought The Lost, who confirmed their suspicions about the different factions of darkspawn.

“The Architect,” Serenity said, leading them into the adjoining corridor. “That must be the name of the one that had Seranni. He was an ass, but at least he didn't try to trap me in the Fade and have me killed.”

“Ugh! What is that smell?” Anders groaned, covering his nose with the inside of his elbow. “I honestly didn’t think anything could smell worse than the Blackmarsh, but this is something else.”

Serenity swallowed hard as the stench turned her stomach and stung her nose. Breathing through her mouth only made her heave as the humidity soured on her tongue. 

  
_First day, they come and catch everyone._

_  
Second day, they beat us and eat some for meat._

_  
Third day, the men are all gnawed on again._

_  
Fourth day, we wait and fear for our fate._

  
“’Fifth day, they return and it's another girl's turn,’” Serenity muttered under her breath.

“The broodmothers,” Sigrun said. “They don’t move. They just stew in their filth, producing wretch after wretch.”

There was a platform covered in raw lyrium suspended over an opening in the floor. Serenity knew what waited beneath, but she didn’t want to look. She could hear them, their muffled voices composed of unintelligible grunts and gurgles. One of them was louder than the others. 

“Are they directly under that?” Nathaniel asked. 

Sigrun peered over the edge and answered, “Yup. We drop that thing on their heads, and they’ll go splat.”

Curiosity got the better of Anders. He took a peek and jumped back from the edge as he covered his mouth and nose. “It’s a good thing I skipped breakfast,” he said, swallowing back hard as his mouth watered with a wave of nausea. “Those were once people?” 

“Those ones were dwarves,” Sigrun explained. “I’ve seen enough of them that I can tell the difference now. They produce the genlocks.”

Serenity stood back, clenching her fists until she felt her fingernails digging into her palms. Should she look? She had faced a broodmother up close before, had smelled the rot on her, had felt the slimy texture of her skin. 

The broodmother was her worst nightmare. It wasn’t just the assault on her senses but the very real possibility that she could become one. 

Would it be better or worse if she confronted her fear and looked?

The memory felt so vivid still. Her voice, her teeth, the tentacles, so many folds of flesh and so much bodily fluid. The walls were alive around her. The floor had squelched under her feet. 

She was grateful to be standing on solid ground, high above them. She was afraid to look, but she hoped, maybe, seeing them from further away might override the memory of the one she had been close enough to touch. 

“Serenity?” Nathaniel asked, watching her edge closer to the platform. He was the only one that hadn’t given into the curiosity of what lie on the floor beneath them.

“I have to see,” she said weakly. 

She knelt down and braced herself with both hands on the edge, afraid she might lose her balance and plummet embarrassingly to her death. Considering how woozy the first one made her, she thought she was liable to faint if she smelled four of them. 

She was wrong. It wasn’t easier to see them from a distance. The rhythmic groaning from one of the four ended in a disquieting moan as fluid poured from the hole beneath her breasts and naked creatures scrabbled clumsily to their feet, covered in the viscous fluids and membranes of afterbirth.

Serenity heaved and squeezed her eyes shut as she expelled the contents of her stomach. She caught her breath as Nathaniel pulled her back from the edge. 

“Are you all right?” he asked, kneeling down beside her.

“I regret looking,” she muttered. Damn herself for trying to cope with the trauma through exposure. Her stupidest idea yet. “Pretend you didn’t just see me throw up.” 

Anders helped her to her feet and gently patted her back. His hand froze when he saw her wince and struggle to keep herself from gagging again. “That’s nothing to be ashamed about.” 

“I threw up the first time I saw one,” Sigrun shrugged. “I don’t know that I’d say I’ve gotten used to them, but I have an iron stomach now.” 

Justice broke the chains on the platform so it dropped, putting an end to the unnatural lives of the dwarven broodmothers below. “It is done. Let us leave this place.”

* * *

  
When they reached the surface, Serenity felt relief wash over her with the fresh air. She had no desire to go back underground, but she knew that would not be the last time her duty carried her there. It wasn’t an overriding feeling of fear that she left the Deep Roads with this time, however. It was more disgust than anything else.

With any luck, she would have Nathaniel and Anders with her when she descended into the Deep Roads again. Perhaps she could even talk Zevran into coming back. She knew she would not see Sten on Ferelden soil again, but she missed him too. The Deep Roads, in addition to filling her with dread, pained her with nostalgia. She missed the rest of her friends.

“What will you do now, Sigrun?” Serenity asked.

“Oh, I’ll probably just head back down and kill some more darkspawn. It’s kind of what we do.”

“That’s what we do too. As Grey Wardens,” Serenity said. “If you feel like spending some time on the surface, we could use your help.”

“Is that allowed? Can I be both a Grey Warden and in the Legion of the Dead? I mean, I guess it would help me kill darkspawn better, so why not, right?” Sigrun grinned.

“The Joining might kill you, but you’re already dead,” Serenity said.

“I like my odds.”


	6. Caught in the Crossfire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serenity speaks with Velanna and Fiona before leaving Vigil's Keep to aid the city of Amaranthine.

Upon returning to Vigil’s Keep, Serenity collected the Wardens to witness Sigrun’s Joining in the main hall, but she stopped Velanna on the steps on the way inside. Velanna was not sociable, but Serenity had spent enough time with her to trust her. She had proven a worthy companion, fearless in the face of demons and darkspawn. If she could co-exist with the human Wardens, she would be a valuable asset to the order.

“Why do you stop me?” Velanna asked, concerned.

“Do you still wish to take your vows and become a Grey Warden?” Serenity asked. “I’ve given it a lot of thought. What you did still bothers me, probably more than it bothers you, but I would not turn you away. You’ve conducted yourself respectfully and performed admirably in the face of danger.”

“I have given it a lot of thought as well,” Velanna said, taking the leather-bound journal from her satchel. “This book you gave me. I apologize for calling it a useless gift. We Dalish have lost most of our history and our legends. What remains, we hold dear. Our stories connect us to our past. I intend to use this gift, to fill it with stories drawn from what I know and have seen. I would like to share these stories with my people. Perhaps, one day, it might be what connects my children… and my children’s children to me.”

Serenity smiled, “I’m glad you see what I see. Does this mean you plan to return to your clan?”

“I don’t know. I might find another clan or… perhaps start anew,” Velanna said. “Justice spoke to me. At first, I was reluctant to listen. He is not a spirit of wisdom, yet… his words weighed on me. I cannot make amends to the families I ruined, but if I can, in some small way, affect change between the Dalish and the humans with this, I will try. It is a small thing—a story—but a powerful one.”

“Our countries and faiths are built on stories,” Serenity reminded her. “It isn’t such a small thing.”

“I appreciate what you’ve done for me,” Velanna said. “I appreciate that you didn’t allow me to dedicate myself to the order without thinking about what else could be. I will continue to follow you into the Deep Roads, and I will risk life and limb in battle against the darkspawn, but after this war is over, I will still be Dalish and I will find my place. I will no longer perpetuate fear and anger towards humans who haven’t acted in malice against us. I can promise you that, Commander.”

Serenity felt relieved. As much as she had warmed up to the idea of Velanna being in her ranks, she had wanted this for her from the beginning. She had hoped by her fighting alongside Anders and Nathaniel, she would come to see humans were not all bad. They had treated her as an equal—or, in Anders’ case, like a superior mage. She had even taught him some of her magic after he’d coaxed it out of her.

“You’re most welcome, Velanna,” Serenity said and hugged her.

Velanna stiffened, taken off guard by the show of affection, and said quickly, “We shouldn’t keep Sigrun waiting any longer. She is eager to join your ranks.”

Serenity released Velanna and climbed the steps inside. She led the ritual for Sigrun, spoke the words Duncan had spoken to her, and gave Sigrun the goblet. She was relieved to see her survive.

“When she wakes, we must gather the Wardens and the nobility,” Varel said, kneeling beside Sigrun to prop her unconscious body up against the wall. “We’ll see that she wakes in a bed.”

“Commander,” Fiona said, waiting for her attention. “I must speak with you urgently.”

Serenity followed Fiona outside, where their voices would not easily be overheard. “Is something the matter, Fiona?”

“I heard you say a name,” she said. “When you were telling the seneschal what you discovered in the Deep Roads. You mentioned the Architect.”

“You’ve heard the name before?”

“Yes,” she admitted. “When Duncan and I returned from the Deep Roads and wrote of him in our report to the First Warden, it was not entirely believed. A talking darkspawn, encountered only once, and never seen or heard from again.”

“And now there are more.”

“It does not bode well for us,” she said. “The darkspawn are already a threat when they are mindless hordes. Their hive mind is already dangerous, but with intelligence they could eventually succeed in taking over the surface. If you meet the Architect, you must kill him.”

“I intended to.”

“It might be harder than you think,” she said. “He is a smart and articulate emissary. He might even promise peace or… a cure. But your duty as a Grey Warden must always come first.”

“A cure?” Serenity repeated. “What do you mean?”

Fiona hesitated. “I was a Grey Warden, but the taint was taken from me, removing the curse of its disease along with all of its gifts.”

“He could cure the Calling…?”

“Remember this, Commander,” Fiona said. She could see the light behind Serenity’s eyes at the thought of a cure. The temptation might be too much for her to pass up if she spent enough time speaking to the darkspawn. “The Architect will offer you things that you desire, but he will take something far greater in return. Recall the tales of the first darkspawn and the first Blight. Little is known of him, but he is very old.”

“You think he might be one of the Tevinter magisters?” Serenity asked. She was familiar enough with the Chant of Light to know the Tevinter magisters invaded the Golden City and were cast down. 

“It is not such a farfetched idea,” she answered. “Nothing is worth striking a deal with him. In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death, sacrifice. Do not falter.”

Serenity was reminded of First Enchanter Irving’s warning against demons. She feared the Calling and would stop at nothing to find a cure for it, but she did not desire to leave the order or prevent more Grey Wardens from being made. She knew she could not let something as dangerous as an ancient darkspawn organize, and she would not let him tempt her, no matter the promise. With enough time and awareness, the darkspawn could outnumber and outmaneuver the Grey Wardens, even if they all came down from the Anderfels. Their greatest strength against the darkspawn now was their ability to strategize.

“You have my word,” Serenity said. “I will uphold the order and do my sworn duty.”

She may have been conscripted without any warning of what sacrifices she had to make as a Grey Warden, including hearing the Calling and deteriorating with the taint inside her, but she was committed to the cause. She knew the importance of the order. She had already avoided death once. She still wondered if it was the right decision or if she had been a coward shirking her duty when she accepted Morrigan’s ritual. She hoped she didn’t cause more harm in the long run and that her living did more good than her death.

* * *

  
When Varel gathered the Wardens and the nobles, he informed them that the darkspawn had fielded armies and there wasn’t enough time to send their troops to the city of Amaranthine. Serenity volunteered, taking Nathaniel, Anders, and Velanna with her, though she didn’t voice her reasoning aloud. They were the quickest on their feet, unencumbered by heavy armor or short legs.

They met Constable Aidan there and learned the city had fallen under attack and been overwhelmed three days prior. Serenity’s first instinct was still to go inside and search for survivors. They could eradicate the darkspawn methodically. It would drain their resources and exhaust their bodies, but it could be done, she thought.

A darkspawn messenger approached and she stayed the archer’s hand to let him speak. He came on behalf of the Architect to warn them of the attack on Vigil’s Keep. She had to make a choice.

“The city is lost, Commander,” Constable Aidan said. “If any still live, they will succumb to the pestilence the darkspawn spread. We should send what men we have left to help Vigil’s Keep from suffering the same fate. We can raze the city to the ground with the horde trapped inside.”

If not for him making the suggestion, Serenity never could have considered such a thing. It felt like he was suggesting the rite of annulment. 

“Some might be immune to the disease,” she protested. “Others might not be infected yet. If we eradicate the darkspawn, they can still be saved. It isn’t a plague passed between people.”

She imagined them hidden in cupboards and under floor boards, awaiting their rescue. She could not abandon them and raze the city to the ground.

“My sister…” Nathaniel lamented.

“We will stay and clear the city,” Serenity said. “The keep has been fortified, our soldiers equipped with silverite armor, and Oghren will help lead the troops. He held off the horde at the gates of Denerim. He can hold them off at the fortress too.”

“Thank you, Commander,” Nathaniel said uneasily.

They stayed to save the city of Amaranthine, fighting into the night and the next day. As the darkspawn numbers thinned, they tried to flee back into the Deep Roads, but they were met by the swords and arrows of Constable Aidan’s men at the gates of the city. 

When it was over, Serenity felt like she might collapse, but she couldn’t stop to rest. Not yet. She had to return to Vigil’s Keep. She wouldn’t make it in time to be there when the fighting started, but Maker willing, she could be there before it ended.

* * *

  
Serenity missed the nights at camp around the fire, exchanging stories with her companions over stew and dried meats. Whether it was watching Alistair eat from across the fire or listening to Nathaniel bond with Velanna over their mischievous siblings. But now, when they stopped to rest, it was only for an hour here and there. They ate when they were hungry, without slowing down. Hardly a word passed between them.

When they reached Vigil’s Keep five days after their arrival in the city of Amaranthine, their armies were in the midst of battle against the horde, holding strong. Their forces had suffered a great loss, but their soldiers felled dozens before falling in battle themselves.

The battle for Vigil’s Keep was long and bloody. Serenity joined the fray outside the gate until the armored ogres broke through. She didn’t lose any of her Wardens in the fight, but she lost her seneschal. As soon as the ogre struck him down, Anders had sprinted across the courtyard to try to save him, but there were too many obstacles impeding him. He couldn’t make it in time. After the attack on the front gate was thwarted, Serenity ran to Varel and knelt down to hold his head in her lap.

“Anders!” she shouted, watching as Hurlocks blocked his way.

“Did we win…?” Varel asked, wracked by a bloody cough. The ogre had crushed his breastplate and broken his ribs, making it hard to breathe. “I’m no stranger to battle, Commander. I’m not going to make it.”

“Just wait—”

“It’s been… an honor, ser.”

_No. No, no, no. Not again._

Serenity saw her tears fall and land on his cheeks and quickly wiped them away. “I’m sorry, Varel—”

“Don’t be sad. It sounds like it’s not over yet, Commander. Don’t let them win.”

She didn’t want to leave him. She wanted to be there with him in his last moments. It was the least she could do. But the threat of battle drew nearer. 

“He who has faith unshaken by the darkness of the world shall know true peace,” Serenity murmured, reminded of how it felt to lose Ser Otto in her arms. She wished it was quiet, peaceful. But the clamor of war around them was jarring. “The Light shall lead you safely through the paths of this world and into the next. Draw your last breath, my friend. Cross the Veil and the Fade and all the stars in the sky. Rest at the Maker's right hand and be Forgiven.”

“Go now,” Varel said softly as he reached up to wipe the tears from her eyes. “Now isn’t the time to mourn, Commander.” 

Serenity nodded, blinking away the tears that blurred her vision and stood up. She reluctantly left him there in the dirt. Alone. How could she leave him to die without the comfort of being held by someone...?

How would she manage it all without him? Had she ever properly thanked him for his service and for all that he did that he didn’t need to? 

There wasn’t time yet to mourn and no time left to talk. More would die, she knew, especially if she let her emotions get the best of her before it was over. He, and every other soldier, would have a pyre in their honor. Perhaps she would too, she thought, if she wasn’t careful.

“I’m sorry, Serenity,” Anders said, running beside her. “I couldn’t get there in time. I saw it happen, but I was so far away!”

“It’s okay, Anders,” Serenity assured him. “Do what you can. There are many others that need healing.”

Groups of darkspawn assaulted the western gate with the Children among them. When the numbers dwindled down and the battlefield fell eerily silent with the hush of death, Captain Garevel stood beside Serenity to survey the damage.

“The price was dear, but the Vigil holds.”

“The darkspawn are retreating,” Serenity said. “Sigrun, I need you to track them. Find out where they’re going so we can follow when we’re ready.”

“You got it, Commander!”

“We need to rest,” Serenity said, turning to Captain Gareval. “If only for an hour. We came here on little sleep.”

“We weren’t expecting you so soon, Commander. We’re glad you’re here, but does the city still stand?”

“It does. Many more survived than we initially thought,” she said and reached out to grab his arm when she felt her vision go dark and her head swim. “Maker preserve me. I think I’m about to faint. Anders…?”

“Healer!” Captain Gareval shouted, catching Serenity as she fell.

Anders ran over and scooped her up in his arms to carry her into the keep. “I told her she pushed herself too hard,” he said. “We all did.”

“At least she had the sense to say she needed rest before chasing the darkspawn underground,” Nathaniel said, following him into the keep. “We should all try to rest. No doubt when she wakes up, she’ll be dragging us into the Deep Roads with her.”

“I will go with her when the time comes,” Justice volunteered. “I need no rest. I do not sleep. But the rest of you should or else your bodies could expire.”

“A nap sounds nice,” Anders admitted. He carried Serenity upstairs to her room, finding every step torture against his already tired legs. “Andraste’s blazing brassiere, I hate stairs! Why aren’t our rooms on the ground floor?”

“Stop complaining,” Nathaniel said. “Aren’t you used to stairs by now? Didn’t you live in a tower? It being a tower suggests it’s more vertical than anything else.”

“Ever thought maybe that’s why I hate stairs?”

“Ah, right.”

Anders laid Serenity on top of her bed before rolling into it beside her. “Care to join us?”

“On the same bed?” Nathaniel scoffed. “No, I’ll go to my own room. Don’t do anything unsavory, mage.”

“I resent that remark,” Anders said, tempted to throw a little fireball at him. Just a small one. But that would take more energy than he cared to expend. “I should be nearby in case she wakes up.”

“Wake me when it’s time to leave,” Nathaniel said.

Serenity felt woozy, but at least she was somewhat conscious. She rolled over on her side and squinted at the light coming in through the window as she realized she was lying in her bed. 

“Anders?” she asked, her blurry vision coming into focus. She was glad he was there. 

“You passed out,” he said. “I told you you were pushing yourself too hard.” 

“Mm,” she grunted. “I know. But I had to.”

Anders traced the bridge of her nose with his fingertip, leaving a trail of light to soak into her skin and ease the dizzying ache behind her eyes. “You need to be more careful,” he admonished her. “What if you fainted earlier and ended up darkspawn food?” 

“They’d be very disappointed. I don’t have a lot of meat on my bones,” Serenity muttered with a sleepy slur. “How do you do that? You make it look so easy, like breathing.”

“Do what?” he asked. “Magic? Have you forgotten how to cast spells? Now I know you’re truly tired.” 

“Healing magic,” she said and lifted her hand with great effort to poke him in the shoulder for being a smart ass. 

“Well, that's kind of what it feels like. Or like a heartbeat,” Anders answered. “You already have it within you. I just help it along. Sometimes I ask for help when I'm not enough.”

“What do you mean ‘not enough’? You are enough,” Serenity said. 

Anders smiled, finding her well meaning reassurance sweet, even though he quite literally meant he didn't possess the power to cast a spell to save someone’s life if the circumstances were dire enough. “You already know the veil isn't a curtain. Spirits are all around us. They answer when I ask for help.”

“Aren't you afraid of demons?” she asked. 

“I've never had a demon pretend to be a spirit of faith or compassion. They don't ask for anything in return. They just lend me their unique strengths to help people,” he said.

“I want to know more about spirits, especially now that we have Justice among us. I didn’t know spirits could live in our realm.” 

“Neither did I.” 

“I wish I'd attended a class with you,” Serenity said and sighed so deeply her shoulders sagged and she felt like she was melting into the mattress. 

“Me too. We could have been friends,” Anders said and smiled. But his smile faltered. “It's my fault we weren't. I regret that now. I shouldn’t have ignored you. But after losing my closest friend, Karl, I was afraid to let anyone else in. I couldn't stand having everyone taken from me.” 

“You lost somebody?” Serenity asked. “At the Circle? Did he... fail his Harrowing?”

“No. He passed that sadistic test,” Anders said. “They transferred him to another Circle. I haven't seen him since. We've exchanged letters, but... they stopped coming. That's why I escaped. I had to know.”

“I understand,” Serenity said softly. “Maybe once this is all over, you can find him.”

“I'd like to try,” he said. 

She understood the pain of not knowing. She sighed, feeling the weight of the battle and the ache of exertion as it settled deep into her bones. It took too much energy to even keep her eyes open. It took every ounce of strength just to tuck her hand under her pillow. 

“I left Varel alone in the dirt,” she whispered and opened her eyes when she felt Anders take her hand. 

“I've lost a lot of people, but... not like that. I can't imagine how you must feel. I know I can't really speak for him, but I know he admired you and seeing you come back must have been a relief,” Anders assured her. “I don't know if you know how much you inspire people, but... I think just seeing you there gave him peace. It gave everyone else renewed confidence and the strength to fight harder.” 

She closed her eyes again and nodded—or tried to with what little energy she had left. 

“You know some entropic spells, right?” he asked quietly. 

“Mm-mm,” Serenity grunted. “Only primal and arcane.” 

“I was going to say you'd have a pretty good grasp of creation if you knew entropy. If you can manipulate the state of decay to cause weakness, you can reverse it and accelerate repair. It's even easier if you learn to listen across the Fade without fear of demons,” he said. “You attract what you feel.”

“Mm,” Serenity grunted in acknowledgement as the comforting sound of his voice, enveloping her like a warm blanket, relaxed her until she didn't hear it anymore. 

“And if you know blood magic, that should make dipping into the schools of matter a smoother transition for you. You're mastering the esoteric schools of energy and manipulating the Fade, but for some people that's even harder than manipulating matter. If you can learn to do both, you can learn to do just about anything,” Anders said and smiled. “You’re asleep now, aren’t you? I’ll… teach you more when we’re both awake.”


	7. The Architect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serenity had to choose whether to let the Architect continue his mission to end all future Blights... or kill him.

“We await your return, Commander,” Captain Garavel said. “We will keep guard and gather the dead while you are gone.”

Exhaustion had won out for a few hours, but once the Architect and the Mother lay dead, Serenity could enjoy a longrt rest. She could start thinking about what would come next. The Grey Wardens had their work cut out for them now with funeral rites and repairs to the keep and the city. At least, she hoped, the darkspawn activity would cease on the surface, giving them some much needed respite.

“Do you think we’ll finally meet the Mother?” Jowan asked.

“You ask that like you’re looking forward to it,” Nathaniel said.

“The only thing I’m looking forward to is seeing her dead.”

“That’s the spirit!” Anders grinned.

“What kind of spirit do you speak of?” Justice asked.

“What? Oh, no, it’s a figure of speech.”

“But we all might be spirits soon,” Sigrun said. “You know, the dead kind? This is a suicide mission, isn’t it?”

“I know you like to flirt with death, Child of the Stone, but I have no intention of dying,” Velanna said.

“The only spirits I want are the kind I can drink, heh,” Oghren grinned. “Drinks on the Commander when we get back!”

* * *

  
They passed through the Dragonbone Wastes until they reached Drake Falls. As they descended the ancient building and encountered flesh that climbed the walls and the thick stench of rotting meat and afterbirth, they knew they were closing in on The Mother. Or so they thought.

“We meet again.” The Architect stood on a balcony, but instead of summoning a dragon to tear her apart, he descended to stand before the Wardens. “I owe you an apology, Commander.”

“I’d say,” Serenity answered.

“When last we met, I intended to explain myself.”

“But instead you abducted me, stripped me of my clothes, cast spells on me, and I am fairly certain I found a puncture wound on the inside of my elbow. Did you take my blood and experiment on me while I was sleeping?”

“I restrained you to prevent the misunderstanding that occurred when I sent the Withered to ask for your help,” he said. “But I did take your blood, yes.”

“Is that what he was trying to do? Or did he hear ‘Warden blood will help’ and decide to shed as much of it as he could?”

“Things have not gone as I had planned,” the Architect said. “My kind is driven to seek out the Old Gods. It is our nature. To break this cycle and be free of this compulsion, I need Grey Warden blood.”

Velanna saw her sister join Utha on the balcony and ran up the stairs to meet her. “Seranni!”

“Listen, sister,” Seranni answered, taking a step back to maintain her distance from her.

“Why? Why do you follow this monster?”

“He seeks to change the world for the better, sister. His intentions are noble,” she said. “He has been tender and kind to me. The darkspawn are trapped, but they can be freed. Isn’t that what all living things deserve, sister? To be free? He seeks to find a place in the world for his kind, like we seek to find ours.”

“She still retains her own mind, it seems,” Velanna said.

“I follow the Architect by choice,” Seranni insisted. “I wish to help him in this noble task. It is something I believe in. It is for the greater good.”

“Utha was the first Grey Warden to listen to me,” the Architect said, gesturing toward the Silent Sister above. “She gives her blood willingly. She has freed many a darkspawn with her gift.”

“I like my blood where it is,” Anders said. “In my veins.”

“We do not begin a Blight because we seek power or destruction. We obey the call of the Old Gods without choice,” the Architect explained. “In order to become what you are, you drink the blood of my kind. You do not die, you transform, taking the taint into yourself. From your blood, we take your resistance. In your blood lies our immunity to the call of the Old Gods.”

“How did you become free of the Old Gods’ song?” Serenity asked.

“I do not know,” the Architect answered. “I was born as I am, an outsider amongst my kind. Why do you possess magic and others do not?”

“You’re saying this could prevent future Blights,” Nathaniel said.

“That is my goal,” the Architect answered. “I have no desire to rule my brethren, only to free them from their chains. They act now as mindless slaves toiling away in their search. All we need is blood. It doesn’t require death.”

“That sounds naively idealistic,” Serenity said, realizing she just called an entity purportedly centuries older than her 'naive.' Could something that old really be naive? Or did he know more than she did? 

“What about the Mother?” Anders asked. “She threw us into the Fade to try to stop us from helping you. It seems your darkspawn aren’t all on the same page.”

“When they are free, the darkspawn can think for themselves,” the Architect said. “Some… reacted poorly. They miss the call of the Old Gods. It sings. We hear the song no longer, but we can hear thoughts. Our own.”

“There will always be a dissenter,” Serenity said. “You lost control of your experiment and thousands have died on both sides because of it.”

“I will be more careful,” the Architect answered. “We share the same goal, do we not? To put an end to the Blight?”

“Darkspawn or not, he has a point,” Nathaniel said. “Do we really want to keep killing each other forever? We’ve met an intelligent, talking darkspawn who wishes to broker peace.”

“Kill this creature now,” Justice ordered, “lest it make things worse than it already has! Do what is right, and do not waver.”

Serenity hesitated. The architect did have a calming presence, in spite of his stature and disfigurement. How could she possibly kill a peaceful creature, even one as intimidating as him? It wasn’t hard to see the draw to his words. Prevention of future Blights, an end to the hive mind, freeing the innocent of their curse. But then there were the unforeseen consequences, the dissenters, the growing desire for more, and their sheer numbers.

The world as it was would never have a place for the darkspawn. She didn’t entirely trust the Architect’s motives, no matter how convincing he sounded and how soothing his voice was. There were too many factors to consider, too many what if’s. He had experimented on Wardens and turned innocents like Seranni into ghouls. He had sent his disciples to the surface and abducted people, infecting them, to what purpose? To transform them for his blood farm? It was perverse.

If she allowed his plan to continue, would they form a society underground, further down than the Deep Roads? The dwarves would want their thaigs back. Would they eventually seek the surface where they would spread their pestilence and the people would fear them? With minds of their own, surely some of them would seek freedom from their underground prison. They would have the numbers. If a rebellious darkspawn like the Mother gained enough influence amongst their kind, they could organize and take the surface by force.

“I offer you knowledge, Commander of the Grey,” the Architect said. “I can teach you blight magic. With this, you can be cured of the taint. Or you can accelerate it.”

_Do not listen to the temptations. He will take something greater in return._

Serenity could feel her hands shaking. He did not seem like a demon of Pride or Desire. But he offered her something in exchange for her to let him do as he pleased. His actions, as well-intentioned as they might have been, led to so much death and destruction. The darkspawn would become more unpredictable the more he freed them.

“I am sorry,” Serenity said softly. “I do not enjoy the thought of harming you… not at all. But I cannot let you continue your work. If you had succeeded, things might be different. But you failed. There is too much risk in letting this continue.”

Nathaniel couldn’t hold his tongue. “I urge you to reconsider, Commander! We could stop the Blights for good!”

“It is not that simple, Nate,” she murmured.

“Besides,” Anders said, “we’ve already survived five. What’s four more?”

“This is no time to be joking!” Nathaniel shouted. “You saw the Architect’s darkspawn fighting the Mother’s darkspawn. If a faction rises up, the others will try to quell the rebellion.”

“It’s not enough,” Serenity said. “I’m sorry.”

“How very unfortunate,” the Architect said. “But I cannot blame you. You are as bound to your nature as we are to ours. You will have to forgive me, Commander, for fighting to preserve my destiny.”

“I wish you would say something cruel,” Serenity said, drawing her staff. She did not want to fight him, but Fiona’s words echoed in her mind. _Do not be tempted. Victory. Vigilance. Sacrifice._

“That is not in my nature, as it is not in yours,” he answered.

Serenity felt far away as she fought the Architect, even though she stood close enough to hit him with her auric spells. Every blow struck against him saddened her and made her feel weak. Fighting him made her question whether she should have been named the Commander of the Grey. How could she feel such sorrow and compassion for the darkspawn when it was her duty to oppose them? If she put a stop to it now and let him leave, would her compassion doom them all?

Although he fought for self-preservation, there was no malice in his actions. She felt her heart break at the sight of his defeat. Had she made the right decision? Ordinarily, her emotions were in sync with her thoughts. Her gut told her she did the right thing for the safety of Thedas. But her heart ached. She wondered if it was because what he offered was attainable. Had she just destroyed a beautiful gift? Had she doomed history to repeat itself? Had she given up any chance to be cured of the taint? What did her future hold now?

She knelt down at the body of the Architect and carefully removed his asymmetrical golden mask. If he was one of the ancient Tevinter magisters, he had served and worshipped Urthemiel, the old god of Beauty that she had slain atop Fort Drakon. He hadn't harbored any animosity towards her for killing the old god, though. He was still a monster, a dangerous threat to all of Thedas--but there was something beautiful about him too. 

* * *

  
The Mother was barely an afterthought. She wasn't as smart or calculating as the Architect. She hardly seemed a threat in comparison to him. After slaying her, Serenity climbed the stairs back up to the surface. She wondered if the disciples would rise against the Wardens and seek revenge or if they would try to find a place for themselves in the world. Would they go mad? She did not wish that upon them, but she could offer them nothing.

“Serenity,” Anders said, gently taking her arm as they crossed through the gates to Vigil’s Keep. “The Architect said some pretty things, but… it would have been playing with fire. And, take it from me, playing with fire ends very, very badly.”

Serenity turned and wrapped her arms around his waist as she rested her head on his chest, seeking comfort. She had to make many difficult decisions in the last two years, but that was one of the few that truly made her question herself. So many people trusted her and had faith in her leadership, but what if she led them astray?

“Did I do the right thing?” she asked, closing her eyes when she felt his arms around her shoulders. “I feel lost.”

“You’re exhausted,” he said. “We’ve been running around for weeks with barely a moment to wind down. Once you’ve eaten and had a proper night’s sleep, you’ll calm down and see the big picture. The easy answer isn’t always the right one. You did the harder thing.”

“I think I need to take a break from the fighting,” she said.

“Well, you’ve earned it. With the leaders of the darkspawn dead, I doubt they’ll be coming up here to pick fights with us again. Not until a new leader crops up, anyway. It probably won’t even happen in our lifetime,” he said and smiled. “Hey, you could retire! Where do you want to go? Rivain? I hear they have nice beaches. The downside is the pirates.”

“I think I want to go back to the Circle,” she answered.

“You—what?” Anders asked, pulling back to look at her. “Now I know you’ve lost it. Have you suffered tremendous blood loss? I don’t see a head wound.”

“There is somebody I need to see,” she chuckled. “I didn’t mean to stay!”

“Maker’s marbles, I was beginning to rethink my entire perception of you,” he said, keeping an arm draped over her shoulders as he started walking with her toward the keep. “I won’t be accompanying you, but I’m sure you knew that already.”

“I wasn’t inviting you, anyhow,” she retorted. “I’ll need you here to train more recruits and take care of Ser Pounce-a-lot.”

“Oh, Ser Pounce-a-lot,” he cooed. “I miss that cat. I hope he hasn’t knocked over every single thing on my nightstand. Those potions might have a reaction to each other.”

“I need you to keep an eye on Justice too,” Serenity said. “I don’t think he will live much longer, unless he can continue to exist incorporeally. He achieved his goal in avenging Kristoff. It’s time he release his body to his wife for a proper burial.”

“He’s… afraid of dying, you know,” Anders said.

“As am I. My hope is that he will return to the Fade or… whatever is deeper than the Fade,” she said. “But it’s unnatural for him to be here. He’s already shown signs that worry me. He is still Justice, but he has expressed feelings a spirit should not possess.”

“You think he might become a demon?”

“Perhaps,” she answered. “Without the influence of Kristoff’s memories, I think he can return to being himself.”

“Nathaniel suggested he possess a living body,” Anders said. “At first I thought that was a stupid idea. That’s how abominations are made.”

“Wynne merged with a benevolent spirit,” Serenity said. “A spirit of Faith. It surprised me to learn about it. I had to reconstruct my beliefs about spirits and abominations after what she told me. If not for that spirit, she would be dead. But it doesn’t possess her. It just lies dormant, or so she says.”

“So, it can be done…?”

“Don’t even think about it,” Serenity said, elbowing him in the side. “A spirit of Faith is not the same as a spirit of Justice. It’s like comparing water to fire.”

“Is that why Wynne has become exceedingly optimistic?” Anders asked. He had worked closely with her as an apprentice in the Circle of Magi, but she wasn’t quite herself when he saw her again outside the chantry in Amaranthine. 

Serenity chuckled, “From how that botanist described her, Wynne has always been that way. Maybe it’s why the spirit saved her.”

“But how do we save a spirit? We can’t just… let him die, can we?” Anders asked sullenly. He had come to view Justice as his friend, just as Serenity had.

“I heard some of the things Justice has said to you, Anders. It might sound ridiculous, but he’s like a child in our world, seeing everything in black and white, unable to understand the complexities of the mortal realm and its inhabitants,” she warned. “He is self-aware enough to know that he has much to learn, but he cannot defy his nature. He is the embodiment of a concept.”

“I hear you,” Anders said. “I still have so much to learn from him though. Do you think he could stay a while longer? I know he smells bad and it might not be long before his arm falls off, but he knows so much about the Fade. Think about what his knowledge could do for mages and the dangers they face.”

“Get as much from him as you can with what time we have left with him,” Serenity said, stopping at her door.

“Serenity?”

She looked up at Anders expectantly. “Anders?”

He smirked at her playful mockery and leaned down to plant a kiss on her forehead. “Thank you. For saving me and… believing in me. You’re a true friend. Also, you smell good.”

Serenity snorted, “Even after going into the Deep Roads?”

“Oh, no, no. You smell like spoiled meat that fell behind the counter,” he said. “But when you aren’t covered in darkspawn filth or dog hair, you smell nice. It’s just a small comfort, I guess.”

“When have you been sniffing me?” she asked, crossing her arms.

He laughed, holding his hands up in surrender. “I swear I didn’t stick my nose in your hair. It’s just something I noticed. I’ve spent a lot of time with you, you know.”

She smiled back and said, “I trust my instincts, and I think myself a good judge of character. I’m grateful to have you as my friend, Anders. Now that the fighting is done, what will you do?”

“Do I have a choice?” he asked. “You said you needed me here to train the recruits.”

“You don’t like to stay cooped up for too long though, do you?” she asked knowingly. “I don’t want you to feel that I’ve put you in another cage, even one with open air. I can find work for you elsewhere if your wanderlust is pulling at you. There are Grey Wardens in Orlais, the Free Marches, the Anderfels…”

“I appreciate that,” he said. “You know me well. I’ll have to think on it. For now, I’ll stay here and help rebuild. I have friends here, after all.”

“After I visit the Circle, I’m going to see Avernus in Soldier’s Peak,” Serenity decided. “I need to send word to Weisshaupt about our encounter and what came of it. My hope is that somebody knows something about the blight magic the Architect spoke of. He knew a way to reverse the taint. If we can cure Grey Wardens of the Calling, I have to find it.”

“How exactly does the Calling work?” Anders asked. “I think I missed that class.”

“You saw the ghouls the Architect created? Like Seranni?”

“And Utha.”

“He seemed to be able to control their infection,” she said. “Without a cure, we’ll slowly change, becoming more darkspawn than human. We hear the song of the Old Gods and answer the Calling by entering the Deep Roads to kill as many darkspawn as we can before either dying or essentially becoming one of them.”

“That’s… awful,” Anders said, furrowing his brow. “I don’t want to be a darkspawn. Have you seen their faces? I don’t think they even have eyelids. I hate having dry eyes.”

“I’ll do my best to find answers,” Serenity said and patted his chest before reading for the doorknob. “Let’s get some rest. We’re going to have a lot of heavy lifting to do tomorrow.”


	8. The Pursuit of Knowledge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serenity returns to the Circle of Magi to find Cullen and to search for a cure to the Calling.

Before First Enchanter Fiona returned to her Circle in Orlais, Serenity spoke with her at length about the Architect and what he had offered her. Fiona was relieved Serenity had followed through on her promise, but she had no tomes to give her any insight into ‘blight magic’ or how to control the taint.

Serenity left Vigil’s Keep with Mabari-Cullen, taking the North Road west toward the foothills leading to Kinloch Hold. It had been eight months since the Blight ended and only two weeks since the darkspawn’s civil war came to an abrupt end with the death of the Architect and the Mother. Garevel took over as the new seneschal of Vigil’s Keep. He didn’t possess the same kindness and maturity that Varel had, but he was a capable leader and knowledgeable in his assigned duties. She left the keep in his hands and the task of training and recruitment in the hands of her companions.

The new year turned as Serenity crossed northern Ferelden in the snow, huddled up with her mabari around their campfire at night. She wrote a different letter each night in camp, using Mabari-Cullen for her pillow as she propped the parchment on a book against her leg. She wrote Sten in Par Vollen the first night, Zevran in Rivain at the last address he had given her on the second, Leliana in Orlais on the third night, and Alistair in Denerim on the fourth. It helped make the camp feel less empty to talk to them, even if she couldn’t hear them answer. She would have written Morrigan if she’d had any inkling of where to send the missive.

“Cullen never answered my letter,” she said dolefully and turned her head when her mabari whined. “I didn’t think he would. I don’t know why I’m so disappointed when I knew from the beginning he wouldn’t write me back.”

She hoped enough time had passed between them that he wouldn’t still harbor resentment for the choice she made at the Circle. That was one decision she never doubted.

When they reached Lake Calenhad, Serenity left Mabari-Cullen at the docks before she crossed. She pounded on the door with her fist before trying to open it herself. The two templars standing guard pushed the doors open and she crossed her arms. “I knew it didn’t take four men to open these doors.”

“Are you…?” the templar started to ask, confused. What was a mage doing trying to get _into_ the Circle tower?

“Grey Warden,” Knight-Commander Greagoir greeted her from inside. She hadn’t given them any notice of her arrival. “You’re not here to conscript more of our mages, I hope?”

“I deserve that,” she smirked. “No. I come to see Irving. Is he still here, or has he retired?”

“He should be upstairs in his chamber,” Greagoir answered. “Are you here to stay this time?”

“No, I have much more work to do. The work never ends for me,” she said. “Not until I’m dead.”

“I understand that well,” Greagoir answered.

Serenity was almost sure she saw a hint of a smile on his lips. She walked down the hall, past the apprentices’ chambers, surprised to see so many new faces, and even more surprised to see a few back from her own apprenticeship. Her heart was racing as she passed the templars standing guard, but she couldn’t see their faces beneath their helmets. Would Cullen stop her if she passed him?

She greeted each of the templar guards on her way up to the mages’ quarters, hoping she might find him among them. He used to be posted in the apprentices’ quarters, but maybe he was transferred upstairs, she thought. She walked the longest route around the halls, keeping an eye out for Cullen until she reached the First Enchanter’s room.

_Where is he…?_

For an old man, Irving’s hearing was sharp. He turned at the sound of her approach and his eyes gleamed with joy. “Ah, Serenity, but I did not think I would see you again,” he croaked slowly as he stood and walked around to stand in front of his desk.

“It surprises me too,” she admitted. The sound of his voice was still a comfort to her, but he looked even older and more frail than when she saw him last. “Coming back here when I’m free never to step foot inside again. But I still think about you often, Irving. I’m glad to see you’re still…”

“Alive?” he asked, shaking his head. “You always joked about me being old. Now I’m finally starting to feel the ache in these old bones.” 

Serenity chuckled, “You may be old, but you’re wise and… the kindest man I know.” 

“You’re getting sentimental on me now, Warden,” Irving smiled. “We could use your expertise with these new apprentices. I’m sure you have a lot to teach them.”

“I can’t stay and teach, but I brought you two more books for the library. The Grimoire of the Frozen Wastes and the Formari Tome,” she said and reached into her satchel.

“Thank you. I will read them before I put them on the shelves,” he said, taking them from her with a shaky hand.

“So, how is everything here? Has it changed a lot?” she asked. 

“We have a lot of new blood. Templars transferred from Starkhaven in the Free Marches and mages transferred from the Circle in Val Royeaux,” he answered, “but the Circle is doing well in its recovery, thanks to you.”

She nodded, “And what of the survivors?”

“They remain here still,” he answered.

“Even the templar, Cullen?”

Irving smiled and set the books down on his desk. “You did not come all the way here to deliver me these books, did you, child?”

Serenity hesitated and averted her eyes. “You gave him my letter?”

“I did,” Irving answered. “He’s not here.”

She tried not to betray the crushing disappointment she felt. “Is he… on a mission?” she asked, imagining him out hunting down escaped mages. Would he kill them or capture them?

“I do not know,” Irving said. “Greagoir finally admitted the boy wasn’t getting any better here. He sent him to a chapel in the countryside, but he was requested in the Free Marches.”

“The Free Marches?” Serenity repeated, dumbfounded. “That… that’s north of Amaranthine, isn’t it?”

“Across the Waking Sea,” Irving answered. “Greagoir saw to it that he continued serving the Chantry elsewhere. The memories here were too painful for him to bear and made him paranoid. The apprentices were afraid of him.”

“I see.”

“I discourage you from pursuing him any further, Serenity,” Irving said. “The young man has a new life now. You would only stir up old memories of a past life. Not to mention the risk you take, not only for yourself but for his career. Mages and templars cannot be… involved. As friends, or otherwise. I’ve seen it happen before. Only tragedy befalls them.”

She did not care to be lectured. She knew what she wanted was forbidden. She thought with the passage of time she might release her desire to see him again, yet she found herself thinking of him more and more—wondering what became of him. She could only let him go if he told her to or if he had changed so much that she wouldn’t recognize him anymore.

“There is something else,” Serenity said, changing the subject. “I am trying to find any information I can on ‘blight magic.’ It has the potential to cure the darkspawn taint and prevent the Calling.”

“I’ve never heard of such a magic,” Irving answered slowly.

“It’s…” Serenity sighed, remembering where she stood. She could not ask the First Enchanter to help her research a form of blood magic. She had already spoken to Fiona. With any luck, she might find some leads.

“You were saying?” Irving prodded.

“Nothing,” she answered. “Never mind. I should return to Amaranthine. I need to go to Soldier’s Peak.”

“You won’t stay the night? You could at least stay for supper,” he said.

“No, that’s quite all right. My dog is waiting for me,” she said. “I’ll bring you more books if I come across anything useful.”

“Thank you… Serenity.”

* * *

  
Serenity left Kinloch Hold and made it to Soldier’s Peak within another week. She shared all of her findings with Avernus before writing Fiona in Orlais and requesting her assistance there. It was a long shot, considering the duties of a First Enchanter, but her blood was unique. If anyone could unlock the secret of Blight magic, it was Avernus.

“This letter came for you,” Levi said, handing her the rolled parchment. “Some time ago, actually.”

The letter was from Jerrek Dace in Orzammar, requesting her assistance in a sensitive matter. It asked her to come alone. She might have pretended not to have seen it if it didn’t butter her up with compliments and mention King Bhelen as having recommended her. _Another trip into the Deep Roads… already?_

She spent a week retracing her steps west and took the Imperial Highway past Lake Calenhad to Orzammar. She spent a week in the city in preparation for the journey underground. She was buying time, considering going against Jerrek’s wishes and waiting for reinforcements. She had Mabari-Cullen with her, but she would have felt more confident with Anders and Nathaniel by her side. 

Jerrek had lost his expedition party in the Deep Roads searching for the secrets to Caridin’s golem construction in Amgorrak. As useful as the research and the Anvil of the Void could be in pushing back the darkspawn and taking back the Deep Roads, Serenity didn’t trust that kind of power in Orzammar’s political climate. She knew what was involved in the creation of the golems and she didn’t agree with it. She hoped if they did discover how to produce golems again, they did so ethically. If she were faced with the same choice—to destroy the Anvil or save it, she would make the same choice again and see it plummet into the lava flow. 

She hoped this journey into the Deep Roads wouldn’t be her last. One day down below was one too many. She suspected they might not even find the remains of his party and that they might join them in the bellies of whatever monsters had taken them. The deeper they explored, the more determined she felt to see it through. It felt hopeless, each step of the descent closer to death. But she wasn’t ready to die. She felt more defiant of her fear the further from the surface they went. 

At least she had Mabari-Cullen with her. With Derrek’s bronto and the golem they found, she had enough assistance not to feel completely overwhelmed. But they were not her friends, and one of them wasn’t even sentient. She was not accustomed to going into battle, let alone the Deep Roads, without trusted allies at her back.

There was a monster unlike any she had yet come across, and it was fast and grotesque. At first, she thought it a new breed of darkspawn after having seen the worst culminations of their evolution in the broodmothers and the Children. But what they encountered wasn’t something produced by the Deep Roads. It inhabited the tunnels, but it was made by the darkest blood magic, unlike any ritual she had studied. The dwarves had sanctioned the spells. They had allowed the corpses of casteless dwarves to be desecrated. There was no mistaking it. The amalgamation of corpses was possessed by a powerful demon. 

Serenity found Jerrek’s brother, the only survivor of the expedition, and with his help, they defeated the Harvester and left the thaig alive. Had she been alone, she knew she would have died. Several times during the fight, she felt her legs giving out on her, the pull for mana too strenuous to continue, the whispers of demons across the veil offering her their strength. But she slowed and steadied herself, relying on the auric spells she learned from Fiona that had served her so well on her expeditions into the Deep Roads when she was a Grey Warden. She practiced the knowledge shared with her from the ancient arcane warrior.

She learned she was stronger than she thought she was.


End file.
